a trigger :(
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a trigger :(
| Tue, 01-19-2010 - 3:57pm |
Well it’s been 2 months NC (yeah!!) but before NC xMM and I had planned a weekend trip for this upcoming weekend. Most days I feel thankful that I’m not going – it could have possibly caused a D day, more big time lying to H, more guilt… BUT sometimes I wish I had waited to start NC until after the trip, to get in one last (really fun) “fix” I guess. He had talked about taking me to the nicest restaurants and had booked a super nice hotel. To be honest, I'm very bummed I'm missing it. I also wonder who he is taking instead and that thought just makes me sick. These next few days will be hard for me. I’m disappointed in myself because I had thought/hoped that after 2 months, I’d be farther along and would not even care about missing this silly weekend getaway. I can’t wait for the weekend to pass!!

Ah, triggers suck. Instead of being down on yourself for letting the trigger get to you, and for the jealousy towards X, try focusing on how proud you should be for maintaining NC for two months. I bet you're not even missing the X, just the excitement of a weekend having fun. But, if you really look at it, you can make your OWN fun weekend - free of all the negatives that come with the A. Replace missing those high-feelings with remembering why you're better off now and how GREAT you're going to be very soon (IF you stay on the right track.)
I've got a few huge triggers on the horizon. When I come to the board to grumble, I hope you'll be here to kick my butt and tell me how to get through it from experience. ;)
Stay strong. Stay true to yourself.
xo
Dee
Livestrong -
Oh those nasty triggers!
Thanks gal and dee! You're right, they're just days. Those are wonderful ideas...this will be a GREAT weekend. I love the idea of date night with H, we'll go to a fancy restaurant of our own (and I won't even have to put up with conversations with a narcissist). And it will be lovely to not sneak around and lie.
Dee, I'll absolutely be looking for your posts so I can support you when you reach a trigger moment :)
Thanks, Live. I'm going to need it. Try breaking up with a JAM right before he goes into the studio to record his next album.
The album comes out in a few months. Just the other day I had to endure waiting in line to buy something while listening to X's band whine at me through the stores speakers. You want to talk triggers? I have a butt-load coming down the road. Get ready! ;) I hope I'll be closer to the indifference stage by then. If not, it's going to be rough.
Hope you're feeling better! Let's keep each other rolling along.
xoxox
Dee
Edited 1/22/2010 12:09 pm ET by deeulta
I am hanging in with you (-:
This weekend will be tough for me too because it will be the first one ever with NC. Usually the weekends were really tough as we both returned to RL for two days, the lows would suck, so all the texts and emails would be extra supportive to get through those days. So this weekend, I will be thinking about you, and hoping that indeed you are having a fantastic weekend. Nope, it won't be filled with all the highs, but it certainly won't be filled with the horrible lows that follow! Triggers abound, but our collective strength is more abundant: draw on it.
j,
wow, those are some nasty triggers, it's hard when you can't avoid it (music playing in stores).
I'll be thinking of you too this weekend j, let's make it a GREAT one!!!!
Oh my dear, dee!
Thank you, New. That is very sweet and I really appreciate it. Ya know, though, my pill might be tough - but, not any tougher than 99% of the others on this board. My heart just breaks when I read and empathize with the pain of the newer newbies. I wouldn't go back to week one of NC for all the money in the world.
Keep the faith!
Dee
I totally understand what you mean.