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| Fri, 03-19-2010 - 2:17pm |
Well, I've recently posted about how March is a tough month for me. xAP's birthday is next week and this was our anniversary month. Today I'm in the City at a seminar. He works in the city (I work in the burbs). He works 2 blocks from where I'm sitting. The lunch hour was "on your own" so I grabbed a smoothie and walked around. Wow. I'd forgotten how many places in this area of town we went to together. I glanced down the block at his office building. Constantly felt like I was getting punched in the gut. Instead of enjoying the day, I was worried about running into him. Where I was walking. Where might be. I was equally angry that I was in this position and saddened. Hard not to romanticize the A when you're recalling romantic memories. At one point I had. Stupid, overwhelming urge to text him. I didn't. I'm just struggling with the triggers. A few more hours and I get to to back home to my family and my real life. I keep reminding myself the A was never real. I'm mourning a fantasy. I'll just be glad when the mourning is over.
Thanks for reading.
Gal

Hey Gal,
I'm right there with you.
It would be nearly impossible for me to go to an event if I knew he would be there. If you think it will be too painful, I say feign illness and don't go. Can you see the friend outside the happy hour? I walked around town thinking about how I would react if I saw him. I promised myself I would be strong and put on a good front even if I was dying inside. If you have to go tonight, think about how you want to act. Stay on the other side of the room, pretend he isn't there, don't engage in conversation.
No matter what, know that you have friends here, and you'll get through it. Let me know how it goes.
(hugs to you too). I'm sendin you good thoughts.
Gal
((((GREAT BIG HUG)))) Gal and CSN.
I really can't see my friend outside the happy hour.
I'm surrounded by triggers every day - my house, my neighborhood, my biking trails. Another city where we met
Just following up with all of you about the happy hour trigger. It turns out I had to go because there was a terrible snowstorm here and my friend needed a ride to the happy hour. I was the only one able to provide that because everyone else was caught in traffic and couldn't get back to where we all work (they were all offsite and had planned to come back to work before happy hour but couldn't make it). Anyway, my friend asked if I could give her a ride and guess what? I couldn't say no. Everyone met us at happy hour.
We were there for about 30 minutes before XAP showed up. I am very fortunate that he doesn't fish. I stayed for another 15 minutes or so. I didn't make eye contact with him. I just kept with the conversation, then used the snowstorm as an excuse to leave early. It couldn't have worked out better. I was uncomfortable, but he didn't see it. The best part was that I didn't feel any sadness, only the discomfort.
I believe I've scored another small victory. Thanks to all of you for your support!
CSN
CSN -
Woo hoo!
Big Hugs to CSN- I am sick today and just logging in. I was so nervous reading this thread. I am so happy to hear it went ok. I can't even imagine being in that situation. It causes me anxiety just thinking about it. You are so strong... and yes, this is a big step :)
NC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/