TRYING TO BE CONTENT..IS IT POSSIBLE?
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TRYING TO BE CONTENT..IS IT POSSIBLE?
| Thu, 04-29-2010 - 9:09am |
So Its been 4 days NC...My H knows I had a meltdown & texted XAP..I am physically & emotionally drained from crying & feeling...Things are gonna be just fine with my H but I can never ever contact XAP again or it will be over for sure.
So, I'm trying to get help.

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PG,
IMHO you are expecting too much of yourself too soon.
Hi Pilates- CSN is right. You are expecting way too much, way too soon. This is a long journey to recovery. I am glad to hear that you are in T. That will help. You have a lot of emotions to wade through the next few months, but I promise that it will start to get better. The fog will lift and you will start to see things as they really are. You will learn to appreciate the steadfastness of your M. You will be grateful that you escaped without losing it all... and those addition feelings will begin to wane. 4 days is HUGE, but it's still very very early. Be patient. Allow yourself this chance to work it out. You will make it. You will be happy again. I know how you are feeling right now, and trust me when I tell you that you will feel differently tomorrow, and then the next day and the next as you confront your issues and face some hard truths about yourself.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
PG,
So, the problems in your life have come to a head in the form of an A and its aftermath, but try to remember that the path you took to get to this place started long before the A. If you look back at your life, as I do, you will see that the elements that led you down that path were evident long before. no? In T, you will examine all of the parts of you that need adjusting and be able to see the hows and whys of what is making your life less than fulfilling. It's not just the A. The A is just the most obvious and most-present result. Take heart. You are addressing your issues in T and you will, eventually, feel whole. You are now on the right path after a long while of being lost. There will be soooo much wonderfulness and joy for you in the future because you are _working_ towards it. Be strong and stay the course. Don't get frustrated and revert to old, destructive habits and modes. You can do this!
Your past doesn't have to be your future.
xoxoxo
Dee
Hi!
Hi PG,
Others have given you some great advice.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Your message just totally freaked me out after I read it. Never are words so close to my frame of mind the past 6 1/2 weeks. I feel the exact same way. I wonder if I am just that type of person that was born with that gene also!
Be strong and stay connected to the people on this board and those that wont judge you.
Pilates,
Im right behind CSN and Jane, they are spot on. I was exactly the same though and wanted to move forward faster than my healing allowed. Im quite the Type A person and expect quite a lot of myself but getting over this A was one thing that I couldnt rush. Im further along in the healing process than I was even a week ago and with each day, you will grow stronger as well.
Give yourself time and go easy on yourself. If you like to shop, then take some time and do that, you need to heal and that takes time. The days ahead will be tough you are going through a true withdrawl and at the same time facing the damage from the A. Come to this board and read, read, read. We know how you feel and are here for you to lean on.
Ill be thinking of you!
GMLB
PG,
A light went on over my head when I read this thread.
Thanks for responding to me.
I'm with ya on this one, pilatesgirl. I too feel like I can't be happy with all I have. And I have it all, two great kids, a nice husband, upper-middle class lifestyle....but NOTHING will bring me the high my exA gave me. But this is where it helps to compare this to a drug. Anything that gives you that feeling where everything is more-alive, the trees are greener, the sky is bluer feeling - is similar to a person being on a drug. BUT, I look at it this way, as much as I loved the HIGH and excitement, I REALLY hated the lows. And there's more of those.....so it CAN'T MAKE US HAPPY! Not for long. And it will change, you will feel better when you come out the other side, and you will enjoy things more. But don't try to compare day-to-day real life with an A....it's like comparing apples to crack.
Find the good things....look for them. And gratitude lists help, make yourself write down 5 things a day you are thankful for. The smaller the things are the better.
LFT
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