Trying to be supportive to a friend who is going down same path I went

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
Trying to be supportive to a friend who is going down same path I went
8
Sun, 11-07-2010 - 7:06pm

A gf of mine recently confessed to me that she ran into her exbf at a friend's cottage reunion get together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010

You didn't mention if she knows about your A. If she does, you can tell her what you've been through and warn her, but unfortunately there isn't much more you can do. Your focus needs to be on your own healing. Again, if she knows about your A, tell her it's too painful for you to hear about her little encounters right now.

If she doesn't know about your A, try to steer the conversation away from this man - take the high road - remind her that she is married and tell her you don't want to be a part of her bad decision. Your friend needs tough love if you don't want her to feel the intense pain we've all felt here. Point her in our direction - maybe some reading on EAS will open her eyes.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
Thanks Bodhi. My friend does know about my A and how it has destroyed me and how I miss him every single day. I told her not to go down the same road but I guess she has to learn the lesson for herself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010

She sure does.

Since she knows about your A, like I said, tell her that it's too painful for you to talk about this other man with her. She should respect your feelings. The more tough love you give her the better. Hopefully she'll figure it out before she gets in too deep.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
I have a very good friend that in an A. Somehow we started ours at about the same time. While the dynamics are very different in hers than in mine. She is still in it, heavily. I have tried to lean on her for support as well but she just hasn't or can't or won't be available. Maybe it hurts too much I don't know. I do know her A takes up most of her time. So many times she says she is out with us girls when she is really with him. So, we never see her anymore. Since ending my A I have reconnected with the group of girls we used to hang out with.

Anyway, listen when you can, share what you know and if you can't just say so! Remember it's about you. Hang out with people who do not know then the topic doesn't come up and if she's there she won't feel free to discuss. It's ok to take a break from the friendship. Tell her you'll be there for her when it falls apart, but right now is too painful. It's the most honest thing you can do. I plan to do that for my friend.

C
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010

Hi!

Two things instantly came to mind when I read your post: collusion and enabling. Both of these are completely inconsistent with friendship and with YOU now choosing to live an authentic life with dignity.

1. Collusion

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009

And TU is next up to bat... the pitcher sends her a fastball, and CRACK! SHE BELTS IT OUT OF THE PARK!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010

To both Chechi and Cait,

Friendship goes both ways!