Trying to come to terms with how I ended long-term affair with BF's H..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2011
Trying to come to terms with how I ended long-term affair with BF's H..
14
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 1:09am

I have been a lurker on this board for 4+ years. After several failed attempts I ended a long-term affair for good this past December, 2 weeks before Christmas. I refrained from posting before now because of CL-Iddy's reminders for folks not to post until they're verifiable true Enders.. and like UBM posted recently, I've been too much of a mess to feel like I had anything of value to offer. However, I now feel a strong urgency to post my story because week before last a mini D-day (for lack of a better term) occurred, brought on by me, which I will elaborate in a moment. As you will learn, I really need the valuable insight and wisdom of the posters here.

Some background. I'm a single OW with a teenage DD. Left my ex-H and unhappy 20 yr marriage 4 years ago this month (6 months after my EA turned PA). AP married 15 years w/ 4 children. Our DD's (his eldest) are BF's.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010

Welcome Land :)

I'm glad you've come out of lurking for so long. We have some things in common, I'm also single mom of teens and left my H after the first year of my A. You've already had a lot of great advice from everyone. I hope you stick around post so we can help you.

"If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking"

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2011

Michelle, Lolly, MC, Iddy, TU, UBM, Renewal, Jen, Heart and Bodhi..

I want to thank each of you for taking the time to welcome me with your words of support and kindness. I had to dash out the door very early this morning to tackle a long day at work followed by appointments and errands, so I apologize for being unable to respond sooner. I especially want to thank Michelle for being there for me bright and early with a first response. That meant a lot, to carry out the door with me following a sleepless night fearing folks might be scared off by my long-winded post. I had decided I would condense it down first chance I got, but instead I've been very relieved to find my story was not only read but well-received demonstrated by the overwhelming compassion you've all shown me.

I'm absolutely bowled over by all the thoughtful and caring responses. I DO feel much better having put my story out there. It is very true as several of you said that in the sharing a huge weight is lifted. For me, the effect has been instantaneous.. remarkable considering how I felt before I posted. I look forward to replying to each of you individually over the next few days when I don't feel so physically exhausted and have more clarity of thought.

Reading so many fresh perspectives applied to my specific situation has been enlightening as well as reassuring to see how the responses have fallen in line with what my heart and off-board friend have been trying to tell me. It goes a long way helping to allay my fears and much of the second-guessing I've been struggling with.

I certainly don't feel alone anymore. Quite the contrary I feel surrounded by an army of Guardian Angels and Jiminy Crickets at the ready to lend me love, support, guidance and 'ammunition' for the road ahead. It is very liberating and empowering.. a healthy kind of 'feel-good' I haven't experienced in a very very long time.

Love to all,
Landslide

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010

Dear Landslide

Apologies for coming in late- i dont get access to EAS every day so it takes me a few days to get back and EASers are soooo busy there are always 100 posts to get through!

Gosh firstly I was so moved by your story. On so many levels too. 4 1/2 years to have an AP in your life is such a long time.

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010

Hi LS and welcome to EAS.

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