Trying to hold it together

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Trying to hold it together
8
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 10:22am

Someone please assure me again that I am going to get over this hump. I actually counted on the calendar this morning and I am officially 27 days NC (if you don't count the little exchange we had two weeks ago, which was more LC/business related than anything else).


I am aching. I don't want to be, but I am. It feels like

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 11:18am

(((Alwayst))


Depression will feel like a wet blanket draped over you. If it continues you need to see your doctor. Are you taking anything for it already? Remember, no matter how upbeat we *want* to be, our bodies have a mind of their own. Depression can make us feel sluggish and lethargic. This is where anti-Ds will help, but remember it will take a couple of weeks before they even kick in.


Not hearing from him could mean that he has finally checked out. I know it doesn't make your feel any better right now to think about this, but in time you will come to cherish the fact that he is leaving you alone. If you don't have to have any further business dealings with him then consider this a blessing.


Grieving these damn affairs takes time, and you have to work through all of the stages. Anger and depression are the most difficult ones to get through, and they will circle around

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 11:42am

Alwayst2,
A couple of months ago you said you were going to start marriage c with your DH. Did that happen? If I remember correctly you never had a dday. How did the mc go? You were going to let me know.

I'm sorry you're feeling down today. I felt this way for a really long time, even 6 mo. post A. It wasn't until I finally made the decision to get on board with my marriage that I began to crawl out of the sadness.

I know that you and I both have the quiet, gentle type H's and that we're both the type A, controlling, life of the party type people. I use to resent the fact that my DH was quiet. I now realize that his personality is what drew me to him 30 years ago. When I see the loud, arrogant guys at social settings, it's a turn off to me. Then I'll observe my sweet H standing over in a corner talking to someone and listening, really listening, like genuine human beings do. People actually gravitate toward him more than they do the "life of the party type".

I feel so bad that it took an A for me to appreciate what I have. And I'm not gonna lie, I still think about xap, almost daily. But I'm realizing now that those "highs" that I experienced during the A were fleeting. I now enjoy having sense of peace and calmness. My adrenaline rushes now come from the excitement of having my family over for bbq's, riding bikes at the beach with my hubby, enjoying a romantic comedy with girlfriends. All the good things of life without the drama. I also enjoy have my my sense of self-worth back, my integrity. I sleep like a baby now, catching up on the 2 years of no sleep while in the ugliness of A.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and hope that by tomorrow you can wake up feeling good again. Iddy may be right about the depression thing. May be worth looking in to.

AAI

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 11:42am

Hi Always-


Your post made me look into how I felt at 27 days. I found

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 11:47am

Nope, no shooting, no pointing fingers, no rolling of the eyes either. Only good ol fashioned grabbing of the boot straps and moving forward.


Always, we have to go through these longings to get to indifference. Its one of the many crossroads we walk past on this journey and as long as you stay on Self Respect Drive, you will make it!!!


Its hard to imagine your life without contact from XAP, I know, but it does exist and you find many simple pleasures that you had forgotten about. Where you once checked youe cell phone every 10 seconds, you can now be free of that.


You DO and WILL regain your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 12:12pm

I am replying to your post to let you know that I am on day 79 of N/C and I feel like you

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 12:22pm

I'm right there with you always. I'm tired of aching too. I keep reminding myself that I'd be aching today regardless if we were speaking or not. Talking never meant he would leave. Talking never meant happiness. Talking never made him mine. And if I called him right now I would get voice mail because he is with his family. And I'm angry that he is in a beautiful place right now while I'm at work - surrounded be the 4 walls where we spent most of our time.

Get the man off the pedestal. I've been trying to remind myself of all the horrible things about our relationship. All the times he wasn't there for me.

Thinking of you.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 1:39pm

Always,


My sister in the muck.

Babysteps


...even if it is all I can do, I can take one babystep.


NC/LC since May 21, 2010

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 2:14pm

I cannot thank you all enough for your words of encouragement. I think I've had a bit of an epiphany. I am under an enormous amount of pressure and stress right now, even without trying to end an A. I think I am missing him because he was such a great escape from my real life. The next five weeks are just going to be insane for me, and I know it. I am holding on by fingernails in my real life. After this thing I've been working on is all over and done, I'll allow myself a complete meltdown--preferably in Cancun with my hubby and a little umbrella drink in my hand. :)


Grieving these damn affairs takes time, and you have to work through all of the stages. Anger and depression are the most difficult ones to get through, and they will circle around

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.