trying not to chat him

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
trying not to chat him
6
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 2:26pm
Hi friends,
I'm on day two of NC and it's incredibly hard. I am M and he is single, and we've decided by mutual agreement to end it. But I see his name come up in the chat window or FB and I start to panic. I know we agreed to NC but I hate it. He's been my best friend for so long and now I don't have that anymore. Why does it have to be this way? It feels like a lot of loss. We were friends for a long time before the A. If I could take it all back I would. help me, I'm suffering and confused!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 2:42pm

I know where you're at with believing that he is your only or best friend. It does feel like that and I suffered too with that belief. Please understand though, that it really isn't true. I know you probably won't accept my word on that until you have learned the hard way as I did. Our "ending" took about a year and a half with many NC attempts both mutual and individually. Each time the overwhelming sadness begins anew. I know you don't want to extend your pain that long so I hope you'll take my advice and stick with NC. It hurts so much in the beginning and sometimes you'll even feel despair but in the end it's better to live in reality and deal with the problems that you may have had prior to beginning the affair.

sending you strength and hugs,
ND4MLK

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 2:51pm
thank you for your reply. I know you're right. We have been trying to end it since it began! this is our third or fourth NC attempt, but we're serious this time. I'm trying not to restimulate the hurt and so it he. we have other friends helping us with this and that helps. Thank you for your good thoughts and strength.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 3:00pm

I hope you stick to your resolve. I know that I too said "it's serious this time" more than once. Perhaps it might be a good idea to either unfriend him on FB or restrict access or block. For me, and maybe for you too, just seeing what they're up to is a trigger to obsessive thoughts which could be the impetus to make contact. I know it's hard, I'm struggling too.

hugs and best wishes,
ND4MLK

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 3:13pm

Hi GGM,


ND4MLK, gave you some great advice. I just wanted to second the motion!


Welcome to EAS. Have you had a chance to read in the Healing Library near the bottom of the main EAS page?


Big hugs for ending your A. If

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 6:35pm

Welcome to EAS, Gemini. Hope you are taking the tour and visiting all of the sections, especially the Healing Library. The first couple of weeks are very difficult and only being on day 2, you are probably having the heebie jeebies by now. If you can't block XAP from FB , or from your email server, then I would suggest staying off of them for a few days to break more than just the habit of seeing him sign on. Stepping away from all social networks would be in your best interest other than this site of course. ;-)


If you hang around here long enough you will learn the language, the dos and dont's, the best way to stick to NC, the truth about affairs, the stages of grief and how ending an A is a process. It's not easy, but it's well worth the effort if you want to reclaim your life and get it back under control.


((Hugs)))


   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 2:44am
Thank you for all of your kind support. I have work and social issues which prevent me from cutting off contact entirely (he's my son's baseball coach!) but I am doing my best, enlisting help from everyone I can. We will very likely be on a project together in the spring. I hope and pray that by then it will be easier.