Tsunami...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Tsunami...
11
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 6:04pm

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Edited 8/21/2010 4:56 pm ET by mmlostinfog
I do not know what is next in life...but at least I know what is NOT!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
In reply to: mmlostinfog
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 6:22pm

foggy,
first off, let me say, as a surfer and a lover of words, this was a beautiful post, and a well executed metaphor. you will tackle this wave, and we are all cheering for you. you are caught up in the pain and the nostalgia but it's all a bitter pill, and you know that. you know there ws a reason you ended it, and you know that while days like this are miserable, the days of liberation, of increased self respect, and reduced inner torment--those days are far more frequent and certainly worth fighting for.

let today pass over you. if the wave should wipe you out, paddle to shore and hit the surf again tomorrow. you can do this; you've come so far already. stay positive, stay focused, and remember that tomorrow is a new day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: mmlostinfog
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 8:01pm

Did you once post here under another name?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
In reply to: mmlostinfog
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 8:08pm

Hi Foggy


WOW....Your post is so eloquent and descriptive. You know i had my little tsunami earlier this week, it was awful

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2010
In reply to: mmlostinfog
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 8:54pm
It has been 7 weeks for me also. And I am feeling acute pain today. Wonder if it is something in the air or the 7 week mark that hits us.
I guess there are men that actually go through the same thing just maybe not my xap. Of course I guess I will never know. I hope it gets better and easier for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
In reply to: mmlostinfog
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 4:58pm

Dear fellow EAS enders. I just want to openly apologize if somehow my words that were contained within this post in any way hurt you, or caused you to take a step back in your healing. That was not ever my intention.

I was simply trying, in my own way, to reach out for some help. After 4 weeks of reading every single post here, and working so hard to process the guilt and hurt that I caused through my involvement in the A, I experienced a very hard day yesterday. I got caught in the grief and swept away by the loss of the fantasy that, at the time I posted, was missing very badly. With that the desire to break NC crept in.

I often find I best express myself through the use of metaphor and allegory. The metaphor I used was a continuation of one which had started in another thread while I attempted to offer advice during a hard time. That metaphor was well received, considered helpful and even made its way into another thread on that day. I used this metaphor to try and describe how low I was feeling, and how I faith in the power of this board to lift me above it, and ultimately beyond it.

So again, if my reminiscing of the most powerful parts of my addiction, which appeared in the middle of my post, caused any of you undue pain I am deeply sorry.

I wish you all the best on your journey of healing.
Peace&light
Foggy

I do not know what is next in life...but at least I know what is NOT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
In reply to: mmlostinfog
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 5:00pm

Clarity,
No I have never posted on this board under a different name. In fact I have only every started one other thread on this board, my intro thread.

It took some courage on my part to write what I did, and ask this board for support during my worst low post end of A. I was prepared for anything... Support, tough love, whatever, anything to help me process outside of my own perspective.

What I was not prepared for was to be accused of being disingenuous and dishonest while showing no respect for those on the board trying to really heal. And even though not prepared, I have taken what I believe is appropriate action in response to your post.

However, whether you know it or not your comment created a lack of trust in me and my intentions to the members of this community which I have worked very hard to respect, and slowly become a part of. I think this is unfair because I have no knowledge of, did not take part in, nor have anything to do with this previous thread you speak of that went bad.

Foggy

I do not know what is next in life...but at least I know what is NOT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
In reply to: mmlostinfog
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 5:18pm

I just wanted to say thank you to ex and NC for your words of support. You are right I have come very far, and am not willing to throw it away.

I just wanted to respond to one specific thing you said NC. You are right, and I really misused a word. I should have said "illusions" instead of lies. I know that the things said and felt, when said and felt, were real emotions at that time. But maintaining seeing them as illusions, only reflections coming off two false "selves" is the hard part for me, and yesterday especially.

I just wanted to let you guys know that I am doing better today, and it is do to support I get from this place. And the biggest help, and no offence to you who took the time to write to me, was continuing to read here. Specifically the basic horror stories of RBM and Lullibe went a long way in snapping me out of the funk and being scared straight. I have so much respect for the sanctity of NC, and know in my heart that I have healed myself, but also helped in the healing of my XAP (who believe it or not I do really care for), by never involving myself in even one fishing attempt. I look at what they both went through in the last day and I am so glad I did not act on my desire to make contact. Not only would I in no way want to put myself back through that pain, but it can see even more clearly now how wrong and selfish it would be for me to force XAP to have to go back through such an experience. Now, because I have a phone that I can not block calls and texts from specific numbers from I just have to hope and pray that XAP forever shows the same respect. I don't blame either RBM or Lullibee for not being able to hang up...I know yesterday there would have been no way I could of. Today maybe...tomorrow I certainly hope so...someday soon I know so!

Anyway thanks again.
Peace&Light
Foggy

I do not know what is next in life....but at least I know what is NOT!




Edited 8/21/2010 9:10 pm ET by mmlostinfog
I do not know what is next in life...but at least I know what is NOT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: mmlostinfog
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 5:18pm

Foggy,


<>


I am sorry that an oldtimer

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: mmlostinfog
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 5:40pm

I didn't accuse you of being


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
In reply to: mmlostinfog
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 5:46pm

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