Turned a Corner
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| Mon, 04-18-2005 - 8:27pm |
I've turned a huge corner. For whatever reason, I am not attracted to OM anymore. I can't even believe it. And it happened all of a sudden! Maybe my eyes just opened up or something, but if you knew how attracted I was to him, you would know why this is such a big deal. What am I saying....of course you know, because y'all have been just as attracted to your OM/OW.
A little background. Was involved in affair for over a year. Have not been involved since September. Didn't speak to him or see him for about 4 months. Because we have a mutual friend, it was darn near impossible to avoid him completely forever, so started talking to him again. Part of me still wanted him, but didn't do a thing about it. Have seen him a few times, but not alone. Always with other people. Last week, saw him and it's like all of his flaws just shouted at me. It may sound petty, but it's true. For one thing, I noticed his fingernails weren't cut. Ish. I HATE it when a guy has fingernails that aren't cut. Ick. Noticed his teeth. Ish. He has bad teeth. He's gained weight and has a belly on him. A year ago, I would not have cared, but now it's like it just turned me off. He hadn't shaved, his hair was a mess and his clothes were stupid. Keep in mind, other than the weight and fingernails, I've seen all of this before. But so much has happened, and my life has gotten so crappy as a result of all of this, that it just slammed home. What the hell was I thinking? Was I desperate? Insane? I don't know, but I know it's over for good, for sure. I will never, ever be with this man again. Period.
Now I keep asking myself why the hell I didn't see this a year ago? Why did I have to destroy my life over this? My marriage is ruined. DH hates me. (Although he really shouldn't, because he's guilty of the same). I no longer live in our home. My whole life was destroyed. His remained the same. Hell, his wife doesn't even really care all that much. How I wish it was a year ago. How I wish I had never done it in the first place. Granted, my marriage wasn't great to begin with, or this never would have happened, but had I not done it, maybe, maybe we would have had a chance eventually. Maybe he would have listened to me. But now, he hates me, and we will never be able to work it out. Sad.
Anyway...I'm glad I turned this corner.

hey gal,
glad u made it, im still trying to get there
max