Twice in one day and I'm blue

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Twice in one day and I'm blue
10
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 9:23pm
Today marked 21 days of NC. Three full weeks. Today I sat in the cafe with a friend for lunch - something I never do as I always eat at my desk or go out . I glance up sensing someone near and there he was at the vending machine. We made eye contact and I waved as I would have with anyone else. Ok no harm no foul no words exchanged just my gesture. Made me sad and brought up feelings but I carried on with my day. This evening I get a text asking if i still had his painting supplies as he needs it for, what else, painting. Oh crap I do. Now my mind is reeling. Why is he painting? Is he selling? Moving? But I didn't ask just a simple yes to his favor that I bring it to work. I really don't need to know. He is S and moving on. Good for him but good lord the pain. It really is true. No contact = no new hurts. So now I need to give him his stuff and reset my counter at zero. As I sit here I keep Clarity's post in my mind as I do have a great man at home. He's on the couch right now watching Moneyball as I sit here with a pit in my stomach. Heck he even loaded up xAPs crap in my truck (H has no clue of A). He really is great and I should thank my lucky stars that I am so blessed. He is considered a "keeper" by most. I am doing better but tonight not so much. Wish me luck tomorrow. xAP is moving on though and I care enough about him to not hinder that forward progress for him. Hopefully a simple exchange of items and we will be on our way with our own RLs.
Avatar for worthmore
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2012
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 10:34pm

Mayday! Mayday!

First, to your wave. No harm? Was it lunch that made you sad? Now, I don't know if I would have had the presence of mind or the ability to keep from acknowledging my xap if I had been in your situation but I do know that my head would have been full of him if I had. I can't afford that. I'm not sure you can either.

For the painting stuff, while I acknowledge that it might have been very expensive to simply replace the things that were in your possession, I think he might have chosen that course if he had really been intent on moving on. I wonder if your wave today could have been interpreted as encouragement by him. I think you shouldn't stick around to find out.

I would really recommend you don't personally hand over the items to him. Leave them in a common area, a board room, by the receptionist's desk (sorry, don't know your workplace layout) and then don't be there when he picks them up. Today's sadness and mind reeling will be nothing if you have an exchange tomorrow. If he is moving on, whatever. You don't need to hear it. It's got nothing to do with you. If he isn't moving on, whatever. It's still got nothing to do with you.

I think more importantly than him moving on, you've moved on. You should look around and see if you've got any more of his things. You could give it back tomorrow as well and free yourself once and for all.

Congratulations on your work this far. You'll soon be back up to 21 days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2012
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 10:45pm

I'm with Worthmore, leave them with someone or someplace.  I think that simple wave may of encouraged him more, too.  Meeting with him will not be good especially since he thinks there might be a chance still.  Your still too fresh out of the A, don't take any chances to hurt yourself further.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 11:12pm

Hi ((Love))

I'm sorry your 'twice in one day' has left you blue and now anxious about tomorrow. 

I have to agree with Worthmore...and I think when you make the decision to do this, it might lessen your anxiety...leave his stuff packaged and sealed up with his name on it in an area where you do not have to be there for the exchange. Because what you want to avoid at all costs is any further exchange of words.  Is there an area where you can leave the package?

I'm a little confused.  When you say he is moving on, do you mean that he is leaving where you work together all together...or just moving on with his life.  Because if he is still going to be working in the same workplace, then you've got to practice better ignoring skills :smileywink:

((hugs))

Clarity

 

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 9:11am

Excellent, Love

At this point we have to make it all about us...protecting ourselves from failing and from further hurts.

There's a chance he may try to engage you again because his ego has been bruised because of the way you handled the exchange.  You showed indifference, whether you feel it not, and his ego may have trouble with that.  Don't go there...come here instead and talk it out.  If you see him again, don't wave his way...come here, wave at us. Hi-ya!

I'm really proud of you for protecting yourself.

((hugs))

Clarity


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 4:48pm

You SHOULD be proud of yourself, Love.  I know I am...and everyone else here too.

I hope you do something nice for yourself to celebrate your accomplishment....because it was BIG!

NNH = NO NEW HURT.  You got that right.

Keep posting in to talk about any feelings that arise.  

((hugs))

Clarity 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2012
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 5:39pm

Good for you, Love!  You should be proud, you're looking out for YOU now.  

Avatar for worthmore
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2012
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 10:04pm
I'm WAY proud of you! Good going.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 9:35am
You should be proud - well done!

Daisy