Two steps backwards
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Two steps backwards
| Mon, 03-14-2005 - 11:08pm |
Well here I was doing pretty good, concentrating on H and struggling forward. NC for 3 weeks at xmm request. We work for same company but I transfered to another city. So we do have contact through work and of course everyone knows we are so close, we can't just totally avoid each other. We had one conversation last week that left me upset. We ended up talking today and it was so awkward at first and he was kind of rude, I asked him to not disrespect me and I thought it was going so well. We talked about our friendship and how we ruined it. We talked about a lot of things. At the time I think these conversations help me feel better about what happened between us, and I get answers to things that had bothered me. But I bet everyone can guess what we ended up talking about before we hung up.
He is the one pushing NC and I can see it is really the only way. We agreed that we wouldn't talk for an indefinately longer period to enable us to try and get past this in the hope that someday (maybe a year or so) we can work together again. It was so nice to talk to him and I have to admit it dosen't hurt as bad as it did before but I felt so bad when I got off of the phone I hurried and called H, talking to xmm leaves me feeling so dissatisfied. Why do I do it? When will I learn?
He is the one pushing NC and I can see it is really the only way. We agreed that we wouldn't talk for an indefinately longer period to enable us to try and get past this in the hope that someday (maybe a year or so) we can work together again. It was so nice to talk to him and I have to admit it dosen't hurt as bad as it did before but I felt so bad when I got off of the phone I hurried and called H, talking to xmm leaves me feeling so dissatisfied. Why do I do it? When will I learn?

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JS
An e-mail can work but it has to be worded so that you leave NO WIGGLE ROOM for him to try and slip through or have any reason to attempt to TALK about it, it has to be a door closer and locker.
SHORT and NON EMOTIONAL, no lovey dovey stuff no I will miss you and think of you NOTHING that shows the littlest bit of weakness.
He has to get a clear understanding that you mean what you say and he had better respect it or else he could find himself facing consequences.
Last but not least you need to mean what you say or it will not be believeable.
Free
I sent it. What a relief that is. I have always been the "chaser" and he has been so guilty, always thowing it in my face how "wrong" it was. No more, I told him to come with someone else to the meeting, if not go somewhere with his family. I said I need to be true to my family, get my self respect and integrity back. I will deal with him again but now I can hold my head up when I do. That makes it a closed chapter in my life.
It is also really nice to know he will be shocked since he thought he had so much power over me. I have let him have that power, but I am not healed enough to deal with him. I am expecting him to call because I don't think he will give up that easy. I have to be ready to avoid any personal conversations. If he meant all of the things he said he will let me heal, if not I will know what kind of man he really is.
JS
Good luck.
WHEN he calls DEMAND that he RESPECT your wishs PERIOD then END THE CALL yourself, there is no reason or need to have a conversation it's over that there's NOTHING to talk about.
To bad you can't take hubby along he might enjoy the trip.
Free
He emailed me back with a funny reply and I felt so relieved and thought he is going to make it easy and we will be able to work together again. Then he called, I wanted to take Free's advice but didn't (where is that stick) I ended up talking to him for quite a while. I think he couldn't believe I would say no. It was one thing for him to say NC but another for me to move on. We talked about work and then how our relationship evolved and he asked me if we could ever do anything again and I told him to call me when he is single. He told me all of those things he would never say before that I always wanted to hear. It was nice but what difference does it really make?
I have been checking my feelings all day to make sure I am OK and I think I am. It makes me feel a little sad but not heartbroken. How much better it feels to stand up for myself and not let someone walk on me. I always had the power but I gave it to him. No more. I don't want to get sucked back in and I came awfully close to the intake. Am I kidding myself? I am thinking back to NC.
Can't take H, I am taking my whole staff.
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