two years
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| Mon, 04-05-2010 - 9:49am |
I met my xAP two years ago today. Honestly, I'm dreading today and I don't know how I'm going to get through it in this heavy funk. I'm feeling so low. So angry, sad, frustrated... Sucks. The state of my M is not helping; it's as stuck as it ever was. I can't turn to my H for support and I am feeling very alone. To top it all off, I believe I might be slipping into alcoholism. I've been hiding in a bottle for weeks now. NOT GOOD. I hate being this f*cked up mess, yet I seem to be stuck and incapable of moving on. Why do I have to be such a screw up?! ARG. I swear, the second I get some money, I'm going into some serious IC. I wish I could do it now. Thank God I at least have you guys for support!! I don't know what I'd do without this board. I'm sorry I've not been reaching out to support others these last few days; I'm feeling useless and like a faker or hypocrite since I'm all self absorbed in my own mess right now. I'm sorry and guilty about that. Depression is a horrid state.
Thanks for letting me spill.
xo
Dee

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De-railed (only temporarily),
I’m so sorry to hear you are struggling and hurting! I’m thankful to read you are being proactive and seeking help. I always have an extra shoulder my dear should you need it.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Darling Dee,
Been buried in work and wasn't able to respond to this when you first posted it.
I didn't go. I was swamped with work. But, mostly, I was afraid to go. You live in ??. Let's talk.
xoxo
Dee
Well, my first post didn't post, darn it.
New,
Thanks for asking. I feel numb today. Just numb. Not high nor low.
I've got some dreadful would-be triggers coming up, but I'm ok with it. I'm just sooooo "meh, whatever", I don't thing the triggers will even resonate. Mind you, this is NOT the much sought after 'indifference', this is merely depression.
I will try my best to get on the right track re: attending a meeting. I will let you know! You are soooo kind to offer to go to one "with" me; that really warmed my heart.
Love,
Dee
It is just hurtful to hear one of our sisters
dee,
where are you? talk to us?
lillie
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