Ugh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Ugh!
2
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 4:16pm
Ok - so it seems to me that many of us are having one of those "Bleh" days today. Me too!! If you read my earlier post from last week, you know that I am performing in a show where I am reading love letters to a man with the same name as my XOM. I had my first opportunity to look at the script last night and almost died! My character and I are SO much alike! I'm really having a hard time getting through this. Unfortunatley, not only am I IN the show - I am also the producer for the theatre where the show will be performed, so I am spending extra amounts of time working on it! Today has been an especially difficult day. I find myself thinking about XOM alot.

Question - Do any of you find yourself trying to remember what life was like BEFORE your A? XOM and I were only 'together' for a few months, but for some reason, I can't remember what my days were like before we met. We spent so much time together during the day - meeting for lunch, coffee, drinks - emailing, calling, text messaging. I can't seem to remember what I use to do when I was having a bad day...or a good one for that matter. H is CFO of his company and VERY busy while at work, so it is rare that we talk during the day. If we do, it is usually because he calls me. Now, I come here and read or post. But I often find myself sad during these moments when I think of XOM (as I use to) and know that I CANNOT call/email him. It has only been 5 days of NC, and I know eventually it will get better, but what to do in the mean time?

Today, for example, I decided screw him - I was still going to do things we use to do together that I enjoyed, ut by myself. I was in a bad mood and grabbed my car keys and headed to Starbucks. Of course, when i walked in, I noticed they had a new flavor for Nov. and immediatley thought of calling XOM, but I didn't. This just made me feel sadder and more irritated with myself.

I am an attractive, young, educated, fun woman...my husband's a great 'catch' and he obviously married me. So why am I so hung up on this "boy" (XOM is 3 years my junior)?? How did I let him get into my head and take control over me?? Why am I having such a hard time letting go - he certainly has! What the hell is wrong with me?

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 4:24pm
First congrads on being strong enough to make it 5 days!! I know what you mean though every dang song that comes on, every where I drive, or look he is everywhere. We've done sooo much in the last 6 months it's hard not to turn and see him there. The pain is unbearable at times. It's a day by day thing. But one thing I have to keep in mind is how good it felt and how much fun we did have together. But how it quickly turned into a nightmare when the W started to find out and was up my butt!! And it's not fair to be the OW and not sure why we let them get to us this way!!

stay strong!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 4:29pm
Gosh, you know I never thought about what I would do before xMM when I was in a bad mood. But you know I think its a different kind of bad mood. I think we get into these "blah" moods because we are fighting the "A addiction" which thus puts us in a crappy mood. Catch 22 I guess. Hopefully, in due time we will only have "normal bad moods"

We fell into a bad trap and it may take a little time to pull ourselves out.

I wish I was a world of advice and happy thoughts for you, but just wanted to know that although we are both feeling the rainy blues, it too shall pass. :)

sending you (((hugs))))

xo!

Dipss