Ugly ending - advice urgently needed
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Ugly ending - advice urgently needed
| Sun, 03-14-2004 - 9:18am |
I'm a MW, mostly a lurker, who posted here a bit last fall. At the time I'd been in an emotional-only (non sexual) relationship with a MM I'll call MF. MF's W found some email that MF and I had exchanged and was very upset. She agreed to continue in the M on the condition that he and I had no more contact with each other. We agreed and for awhile we were NC. But eventually we started communicating again. MF is my best friend and I am his and we missed each other terribly. It was just so hard to stay away. We used what we THOUGHT were pretty secure channels of communication. Unfortunately, we were wrong. W went searching through MFs computer and found more email last night. Now she is on the warpath. She has sent me a dozen angry emails. She also left an angry message on my answering machine. She said she won't stop until my H knows the truth. So this morning I sat my H down and talked to him about the whole situation. I didn't give him all the details about the depth of my feelings for MF - I told him we had a brotherly/sisterly relationship with somewhat romantic overtones. I told H I was sorry for the whole thing, sorry that there's an angry W on the warpath, sorry for the whole bloody mess. H has been remarkably supportive. He feels bad for the fact that we've drifted apart in the last few years and he wants to work on getting our marriage strong again.
So here's my question. Should I email MF's W back and let her know that, she has a right to be angry, that I've told my husband everything, that I'm sorry for her pain and that it is all over now - permanently? Or, if she's done venting her anger at me, then maybe she's done contacting me and so I should leave things alone and not respond?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much!
GB2

Maybe just wait it out and see if she sends you anything else. If she continues to email you, would your H be willing to tell her that he knows everything and that it is over?
I'm sorry, I know this isn't very helpful. Good for you for fessing up. It sounds like you have a great H.
Good luck.
Congrats!! GB2, it took a lot of guts to tell your H about the relationship with MF. You are very fortunate that he wants the two of
I was in an emotional affair with a MM and I know they can be very powerful, and it hurts when it ends.
I'm glad the talk with your H went well. I think you two will be fine.
Here is what I would do:
Send the woman one LAST e-mail. Tell her you husband knows, that it's over and you don't want any more harassing phone calls or messages from her, that you're saving the one message as evidence in case you need it. (Keep it brief and to the point, do not get into other issues.) BLOCK HER FROM E-MAILING YOU or change you e-mail addy if you can. Don't have any further communication with her.
~Love
At any rate, I did email the W yesterday. It was short and basically just said that she's entitled to her anger, that my hubby knows everything, that he's entitled to his anger and that he and I are moving on now. I told her that I'm out of her and MF's life permanently and that she is not to contact me or DH any more. Of course she wrote me back a few hours later to say she didn't believe me. So I'm sure she's going to keep trying to call.
At this point, there is nothing more I can do. DH will talk to the W if she calls. But he assures me he just wants to tell her that it's over and not to call any more. I'm trying to take a "Let go and let God" approach to this. Whatever happens will happen. I will just deal with things as they come at me. I'm sure DH and I will continue to talk about this as time goes on. Over time I will probably give him a clearer picture of my feelings towards MF. I really hope we can put this past us and have a good marriage going forward. I know from reading messages to this board that there are others who have been able to go on and it has been very comforting to me.
My last area of concern is MF himself. He's hurting badly. His marriage is apparently ending and he feels I've abandoned him too. I do feel I owe him one last phone call to explain and put some closure on this. I know the NC rules forbid this, but I really need to give him at least this much.
At any rate, I imagine I'll be posting here a lot. I was terrible at NC last time. I have a lot more incentive now so I intend to stick with it. But it is going to be very, very difficult. And I hope I'll be able to offer some support to everyone else here too.
Thanks again!
GB2
She'll keep writing as long as you keep reading and responding.
GB2
Best wishes.