Uh-Oh What do I do now PLEASE HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Uh-Oh What do I do now PLEASE HELP
13
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 11:36am
Now I have run into a little problem. My friend (I met the MM through her, they do business together) and I always go shopping together at the nearest mall which is about an hour away, so we don't go too often, maybe once or twice a month. The problem is, is that since it's kinda of a drive we usually take care of other business while we are in that city that needs to be done. And the MM works where my friend has to go to take care of some business. She is the only person I can go with and my hubby won't get mad. And she is the only one that can take me shopping because noone else wants to drive that far. Anyway, everytime we go shopping we stop at the MM place of work, that's how we met, and after that's how we would get to see each other. But now that it's broken off I don't know what to do. Because my friend wants to go one day this week, and I really need to go with her, I need to go shopping (for clothes, really bad), but after we shop we have to go to the MM's work, and we are usually there all day, so it's not like I can wait in the truck for her, I would have to get down and would have to see him. Should I go with her, since I do need to go, and try to handle the situation the best I can; or should I not go with her, which I won't be to go with her for a LONG TIME and do with out the stuff I need and can't get any errands that I need done, done. What to do ? STAY? or GO?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 1:42pm
Some One Help Me. This is driving me crazy not knowing what to do. Give me some advice NOW
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 2:03pm
I have been thinking about this... You are in a tough spot. I absolutely think you should find a way to avoid seeing xmm. You have taken control of your life by ending the A when you did, and you should feel good about that. Don't let circumstances control your progress now. Why is going with this particular friend the only way you can go shopping without upsetting your husband?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 2:23pm
HI Reb

Can your friend leave you at the mall while she is at this persons work place then pick you up later to go home together.

I agree with Kate you should avoid this OM at all costs.

There is always a solution if you think about it.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 2:27pm
She is the ONLY friend I have. Plus everyone else I know works. We are the only ones that stay home. I also don't have a vehicle. And my husband can't bring me because he sometimes works late (he works in the oilfield) He works different hours everyday. And he's always too tired. Plus she is the only friend of mine that he likes. I have a cousin but, she lives in the same place (an hour away), she works, and it would be hard on her to drive an hour, come get me, drive an hour back to go shop, drive an hour to bring me home, then drive back another hour to go home. Anyway my husband hates her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 2:39pm
We shop together at the mall, so when we are finish, ther would be no point for me to stay behind for hours doing nothing by myself while she goes over there. Plus it's a little out the way for her to go back to the mall to get me. I talked to my friend about it, she said for me to just go, she even talked to him and told him the situation, (without me knowing) He said that he understands and that he will NOT do anything to make me feel uncomfortable. He also said that he respects my decision and won't do anything to make me feel guilty. He also said that I don't even have to talk to him if I don't want, but I don't want to be rude either. Do think it's okay for me to go knowing that he will not pressure me into being with him, I do trust him, and if I don't want to ve with him he won't push me, he WILL leave me alone it's just the kind of guy he is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 2:53pm
I do not think that you should go, under ANY circumstances. I know that this is probably not what you want to hear, but I think it would be best to stay away from OM completely.

One thing you mentioned that kind of caught my eye was that this friend was the only person you could go shopping with that won't upset your husband. Why is this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 2:59pm
HI Reb

No I do not think it is a good thing for you to go there unless your emotions are made out of ice.

Your friend is not helping you trying to get you to go over there, I am sure her intentions are good but it is plain and simply a bad idea, if I may ask what is it she needs to do there that takes so much time.

If I were you I would out and out asked her to honor your request to be left at the mall and picked up later or you will be unable to go with her "THIS TRIP", she needs to respect your wishes in this matter.

Do not worry yourself about being rude, you have way to much hanging in the balance here to worry about that,How rude is it to your husband to have anything to do with this man who was working toward having a affair with his wife.

It is a matter of PRIORITIES, youe marriage is first on the list, all contact with MM has to totally end to protect your first priority.

Sorry if this sounds pushy but I have been down this road, DON'T GO THERE IT IS NOT WORTH IT.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 3:07pm
Okay here's the deal. All of my friends that I had before we met I've lost. Not just because of him but, it was my fault to. We were graduating from high school (2000) and we went our seperate ways. Then I have my cousin who he hates because she used to sleep around alot, and he's jealous of the fact that me and her are really close and that I always want to spend time with her. She doesn't sleep around anymore now that she has a serious boyfriend but he doesn't beleive that, and he thinks she will get me into all kinds of trouble. And my friend that i mentioned before (who I go shopping with) is a family friend, her husband and my brothers grew up together as best friends and still are to this day, she came into the picture when her husband met her and introduced her to us and she set my brother up with her best friend who he later married, and also divorced:(,

well she's a few years older than me and known me since I was little, she was always there for me. My other friends are my husband's friends wives or girlfriends, which makes only 3, but one is in college and always busy, the other 2 have children and work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 3:23pm
As of right now I feel I CAN handle going, but I;m just worried that once I see him I will want to be like how it was but I will not let it happen, My friend said all I need is willpower, and I got it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 3:36pm
Sweetie, I don't at all mean to diss your H, but when you end an A it is a good idea to try to look into what may have led you there in the first place. From the things you have been saying here, it may be that you were looking for one small piece of your life that YOU could control. I don't mean to say more than I should, but it concerns me that your H appears to be controlling whom you are friends with. To have a good marriage, you must allow each other some room to be yourselves and make your own decisions. I know you are quite young, but I think if you can work on becoming a more independent woman, your marriage would ultimately benefit.

Since your friend knows the situation with the OM, you should have the *willpower* to tell her that you can't go with her to his workplace!!!! Seeing him will make things harder than they need to be for you.

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