Ultimatum or NC what works?
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Ultimatum or NC what works?
| Sat, 04-17-2004 - 7:44am |
Ok, simple question. Does an ultimatum work? 30 days with C to give her the papers( he has them already) or NC. Or am I really just playing into the MM game still. I can't seem to walk away! Help!

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WOW you really told me. I did mean to say that I want to change my life. That is what I meant when I told H it was over. We are still S but we are working at a mature exit for all our good. We are trying very hard to get along for the kids. Everyone is aware of our situation and the kids are ok. Whatever that means. As for MM, you are sooooo right. About W, about everything. I am printing your post so that I have the strength tomorrow to tell him. What really gets me is that I seem like such a weak and stupid individual allowing this to continue. It really blows my mind.
Thank you again for your support. I hope someone was there for you when you were going through all of this. Hugs.
He called last night and asked to see me tomorrow. I sort of put him off all week. I am still really upset that he went on the trip with W and son after all that we have discussed and been through. He felt obligated to go for his son he said. OK, I put my son first, but, I don't pretend to the world that I am a functioning married person. It really hurt me. I guess I should start with that and then the rest will flow, right? I know I deserve to have a full relationship and I will tell him this week when the time is right. I just am not sure how people go through NC. But, I guess I am going to learn.
:O(
For me, I had to try to get to the point that I KNEW it was over and work on making my life work. If you are ending it and still thinking about what he's doing and hoping that he'll choose to be with you, I don't think it'll work. You'll just be in limbo, waiting and hoping for him to miss you enough to decide to be with you. Please try to take care of YOU. Try to fill you life back up with things that don't involve him. Trust me I know how hard this is, but my xMM is working on his divorce and if I was as wrapped up in him as I used to be, I would be going NUTS!
noregretsever,
Words can't express the thanks in hearing your words from message #13271.9. That was the place I was in last Friday. Aside from the rollar coaster of getting my D from my H, I finally realized that I'm NOT second-best. I deserve more and I deserve better. I have been holding on to my MM as well as my H for not only love, but for validation and security and for the first time in my life I have realized that true security comes from within myself. I am not saying how terrified I am at learning to finally stand on my own two feet, but although the pain I am feeling now isn't intense, it is also accompanied with relief (at times it seems real dim though). That's exactly what I told my MM.
I don't know if he is going to move off the fence, part of me does keep some hope, but in the end I know what I did was the best thing I could of done to show that I love myself. Loving myself fully has been one of the hardest lessons I am learning.
MidnightBlue
Congratulations on your lesson learned........
I think you'll find it's a great world out there......
and you really are worth all the love you give yourself.
cl-nre
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