Um....stalking???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Um....stalking???
4
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 10:07pm

I'm very new on this board and I have been trying to end an affair. As soon as I realized that I was the only one following through with a divorce, I knew I'd been had. I've been strong and kept to the no contact rule, but he has been following me everywhere. He calls, tms, e-mails and shows up at my office, my kid's school, when I'm running errands, etc. It's making me angry more than afraid. Especially when I'm with my kids. This has been going on for almost 2 months. Unfortunately, I have a very set routine and schedule because of work and because of the kids' school and activities; otherwise I'd try to vary it a bit. I've told him it's over and to leave me alone.

What would you do? You know when I'm angry I am very tempted to contact his wife, I'm sure that would stop it. Or do I go to the local police? How much longer am I suppposed to be a victim to this guy? Please any suggestions would be appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 10:50pm
Go to the police and make a complaint. Get a restraining order. Where does your H fit into the picture. Can you use him to stop the stalking? Would this guy be dangerous if you call his W?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 11:42pm
This does sound like a stalking situation. I would strongly suggest that you get the book, The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker as soon as you can. The most common advice is to get a restraining order and law enforcement will often encourage that action but most stalking experts discourage them. Please read the above book because it will give you tremendous insight, as well as alternative and helpful measures to take. In the meantime, please have no contact with him, even to tell him to go away. I would alert the school of the situation but do not contact him directly for any reason. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 11:49pm
P.S. I would strongly suggest that you do NOT tell his wife. One of the key components of threat assessment of a stalker (whether a stalker will become violent) is to examine if there is a part of their life that they would not want revealed if they were to beome violent. In other words, do they have a job they value, certain social standing, church, or a wife. If you tell his wife, you may be taking away your safety net and his motivation to stay within non-violent boundaries. Let him keep his motivations to stay within those lines, no matter how angry you get. Please get The Gift of Fear as soon as possible because I have no doubt that you will find it very helpful.
Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 8:10am
I say do both. Threaten to tell his wife, that oughtta make him run for the hills...THEN call the police and report his behavior as harassment. This guy sounds like a sicko.

Jazzdiva