uncomfortable

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2010
uncomfortable
11
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 4:57pm

Last time I broke nc I was told I should have posted how I was feeling instead of contacting xap. So that is what I am doing.

I am feeling uncomfortable,restless,sad,depressed and miserable right now. All I want right now is xap back. I want to talk to him,laugh with him. I know I can't have it because he chooses not to. I just keep thinking if I could just come up with the right thing to say to him he would come around. Help! I won't to contact him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: willow09
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 5:14pm

Willow,
Ask yourself what is going in with YOU that you want to 'fix' it or be distracted from it, or whatever, that you'd want to contact Xap? Is it that you're having a hard time letting the anxious feelings flow over you?

Have you been reading here? Do you have any tools in your arsenal to defend yourself from your own destructive impulses? Well, you DO have at least one, right? You came here first! that's huge. Good job. But, to further that... do you have a list of reasons YOU want to end this A -- or are really still in the place where you want the A and you're wishing you could be back in it?

Do you have a goal that you focus on --- say, like... a vision of yourself six months from now where you're totally rocking being healthy, peaceful and full of purpose (a million miles away from the stress, hurt and angst you're feeling now)?

Listen, I didn't want to be out of my A when it ended; it took a little time for me to appreciate that the End was God's gift to me personally. So, I know how you're feeling. You're really going to have to dig deep and figure out what kind of woman you want to be, and what you will and will not tolerate in your life, before you can move forward. You'll need to be very strong right now to get through this. Buck up and do the right thing, Girl. You are on the right track coming here to post -- now, stay on the same track. employ the 48 hour rule. journal. read. distract yourself with a positive pursuit. exercise. oh, and _don't_ drink! ok?

You can do this.
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
In reply to: willow09
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 5:16pm

willow, good on ya for posting instead of contacting him. now, quickly try to do something. distract yourself. go out for a run and leave your phone at home. this is an urge, and like any urge, it will pass. know that if you follow through with this, and let him back in, in any way, you will get sucked in and it will be back at square one. i've done it a billion times, trust me. breaking NC always ends up in regret.

keep your chin up girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
In reply to: willow09
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 5:40pm

Everything Dee said is spot on...but you know that. I just want to add that remember you tried to contact him and he ignored you. And you were very hurt and upset. I remember you felt pretty bad. Do you want those feelings again. Heal from the rejection...do not compound it. He has made a decision and seems to be steadfast in it...now it's you that has to give up.

I mean..him walking away cold turkey was pretty cold to me. do you want to be with someone that could treat you this way without the slightest explanation...let alone just to say he is done. Why would you want to be with someone who could out you thru that?

You really have some work to do, look forward, not backward. I am sorry you are hurting. I know it sucks. Like it or not, its over and whether you reach out to him or not, and say the most amazing things, it will likely still be over. Acceptance is tough. But until you try to accept things for what they are, its going to be hard to move on, even in the slightest.

Have you tried TU's and Dee's list's of things to do....i think they are under wisdom and insights.

I am really happy you came here first. I hope that we have comforted you in sum kind of way or another. I am also really proud of you for coming here and being honest. You already learned from the last time and you will grow from this urge too.

I am around all weekend should you need me...hang in there. Positive things...get to em.

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2010
In reply to: willow09
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 8:44pm

Thanks everyone!!

Thanks for the encouragement and help on a really bad day.

I think there was a reason I had such a hard day. My daughter wanted Maroon 5 tickets for her birthday. So I told her I would take her. My husband ordered the tickets over a week ago. The concert is tomorrow night and the tickets still had not arrived. So I started checking and my husband had put the address of the house we moved out of 7 mos. ago. This was the our dream house that we built 5 yrs ago. It was on 5 acres of beautiful land and I loved living there. Well due to the economy our business started suffering and we lost our home. My husband didn't let me know any of this until we were already in foreclosure but that is another story. Anyway the weekend we had to move across town,Is the very weekend I ran into xap who lived just a couple of miles from our new home. The night we moved we were so busy and I was so tired and it was starting to snow so we were in a big hurry. I left and didn't go back. The bank was so slow that it wasn't actually foreclosed on until last month. So we had so much stuff and such a big house my husband would go back and bring more stuff through the months. But I never went back, I didn't think I could handle it. He was working today so I had to go up and see if the tickets had been delivered there and they had. It was so hard being there again. I stayed about an hour and cried and cried. I wanted my house back and that led to thinking if I hadn't of lost my house I wouldn't have been in the area I was in to meet xap that night. I feel like I have lost so much, my home, my business, my xap. I guess I knew I can't get my house or business back but maybe I could get him back.

I don't know where I want to be in 6 mos. I don't really see my marriage ever working again. I do know I don't want to be living where I am now. It is a nice house but I want to be more out in the country again. I would like to have a job I enjoy. I think not working is giving me to much time to spend thinking about him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
In reply to: willow09
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 8:47pm

Good On YOu Willow...Hold tight...ditch the phone


I promise you

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
In reply to: willow09
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 8:53pm

Sorry i think our posts crossed each other...... it only takes another emotional outlet to trigger our A insecurities.... hopefully you have seen that now


Your home sounded beautiful life can be extremely unfair at times


Hugs NC x

No Cheating, No Compromise, No Contact!


NC since

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2010
In reply to: willow09
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 9:06pm

Thanks NC!

It doesn't take much to trigger my affair insecurities at this point. And that was a huge one. I always told him I lost my dream home but found my dream man in the same weekend. He just loved that. It turns out they were both nightmares that I would like to wake up from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
In reply to: willow09
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 1:05am
SOOO

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2010
In reply to: willow09
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 9:51am
The concert is tonight. The tickets were fine so we will be going. I think looking at Adam Levine will take my mind off xap ,for at least a couple of hours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
In reply to: willow09
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 10:13am

Hi Willow,

Sorry I am late to chime in, but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you. You've had tremendous loss in the past year, I can understand feeling like you need/want to escape 'it all', if even for a moment. Instead of loss though now, moving forward will truly be about gaining: self esteem, respect, dignity, courage, insight, perspective, freedom. It isn't the material goods you lost so tragically, but they will serve as the cornerstones of a life better lived. It may seem like cold comfort now, but it won't always. I hope that you have a wonderful time at the concert. I have learned not to hope that something will give me a break away from this nightmare, but to make the CHOICE to give myself the break - that I am worthy of happiness and peace. You are too Willow.

Much love,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

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