Unexpected time with xMM

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Unexpected time with xMM
3
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:04pm
yesterday, xMM's little league team and mine had an unexpected scrimmage on the field. he had told me he wouldn't be around on Thursday afternoon, so i wasn't expecting this.

After the deserved tounge lashing--in a nice way--i gave him on Tuesday night, he seemed initially a little shell shocked by my presence with him yesterday. Because no other coaches showed up, he and i were the only two running the game. (We also play his team on Sunday.)

As a peace offering, i went up to him and double high fived him (this is so terribly my personality!). Over the course of the hour of the game, we both loosened up a bit and actually had fun together. Some of the tensions, it felt, melted away from the events of the last week and months.

What i want more than anything is to put all that has happened behind us so that we can coexist comfortably in our small neighborhood. I think yesterday's events will help that. I feel good about the way i handled myself. My expectation, ladies, as you all know, if that i have to get thru the end of the season and then, i am sure, we will go our separate ways. Occasionally, we will run into each other and we will both be able to be kind to one another--without expectations or bad feelings, on either of our parts.

I know that he is hurting over what i said to him--as i have hurt over the past few months. I must respect his own process that he will not be able to bounce back from my comments easily or at all and THAT IS OK WITH ME! I had to say my peace; i've done it and i feel strong.

I do think, at times, i have built him up to be the most amazing person. He is just a human being too with his own issues. I see that very clearly when i see him and interact with him and hear about his own insecurities. He was a fantasy for me too. And now we both know, we are each real.

Clarice



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 1:12pm
Clarice,

Congratulations on getting through yesterday and feeling good about it. And for recognizing that whether or not your XMM got over some things that you said, either way it was OK with you!

I'm fairly new to the boards, so I'm not really aware of story, what you said, etc. How long have you been out of the relationship? Are you married as well?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:12pm
jessemom: long story short: A with xMM happened last spring/summer. very intense, but short lived. emotional only. no sex (but we talked about sex alot). we became best friends, etc.

Pulled away from my H during this time--married now 13 years, in the relationship with H for 18--and that led him to have his own A (but with a single woman. . . ).

A with xMM ended last July, but we kept contact all this time. We had gotten thru the A farily well and were existing as friends (as we work on little league togehter), but suddenly he dropped out of sight in Feb/march which sent my spiraling downward.

That's where we are now. H and i are tyring to work out marriage, but it's very tough. The confrontation i did with xMM the other day, had less to do about our A, but instead, how he runs away and treats his friends poorly (me and antoher mutal friend of ours) when he gets confused and hurt. I've done a ton of work for him that he hasn't acknowledged and i thought he needed to be called on that. that's why i confronted him.

I am doing ok today. thanks for your message.

What is your story?

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 3:57pm
Despite the confrontation the other day, it sounds you did well together during the game, so that's good! Maybe being called out on it, he will recognize this (if he hasn't already) and start changing the way he deals with things. Congrats on working on your marriage. I can't imagine how hard it would be to do that. I'm the single one.

My story: Had an A with a co-worker last spring-fall and it was emotional then turned intimate. A ended in November when he decided that he wanted to give his marriage another shot, but during that time he still had feelings, would come to me, etc. New Years day I decided I had enough and moved across the country to be closer to family. We remained friends until last week when he decided (again) that in order to make himself and family better, he needed a break from our friendship. I think that was more emotional than the A ending. Anyway I left the door open for him for when he decides he wants a friendship again. He truly was my best friend, and I miss him. But at this point now, I just want to make myself happy.

I've been doing alot of thinking today about what I want in life. It used to be marriage but I'm not so sure anymore. Actually I haven't been sure since in the last 6 years I've seen so many marriages fail. I can't imagine being hurt like this again, or even worse being the W that is getting cheated on. So I give you both credit for trying to work it out. Are you in love with your H? I wonder in general is it really possible to fall back in love with someone after being in an A and having feelings for someone else? Life's really confusing sometimes! :-)

Thanks for sharing, I'm glad that you are doing better today and I hope that you are able to maintain your friendship with the XMM!