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| Tue, 09-21-2004 - 3:34pm |
I had told MM that I wanted to stay friends. Wrote to him my feelings of why I needed to end it. He got pissed at my note; didn’t write back for 3 weeks. I was not happy that he couldn’t answer any of my questions, etc. He wrote and said he felt like I was preaching to him. I told him I didn’t even want to answer his note, but I HATE silences and take them as write-offs. And I said I don’t think I could ever just write you off.
As you can guess, he was happy to hear that I can’t just write him off. He wrote back saying he was going on vacation and asked me how I was. I didn’t write back. He’s back from vac (2 weeks) and he wrote me yesterday saying it was hard to wake up. I didn’t write back. He just wrote again (today) and asked if we pulled our boat out of the water yet. I don’t want to ignore him, but I certainly can’t just jump back into the normal chit-chat. I just don’t want it.
The no-contact for maybe 6 weeks has made it easy for me not to have feelings for him (other than resentment). I’m just not sure what I should do. Someone wrote if you want to be friends, then act like a friend. (I don’t ignore my friends emails.) But I am questioning if we ever really were friends. All I wanted from him was for him to tell me why he pursued me. I’ve been asking him for a long time. I’ve finally accepted it, (like you Lily) and am moving on. He’s not going to change. He’ll never spill it.
I’ve accepted that “I can’t be what he wants and he can’t be what I want.”
Should I answer his email? I’ve already moved it so I don’t have to look at it (LOL). But I did type up a draft – it just says ‘No, not taking the boat out til Oct.’ If I don’t answer it, that would be 3 times he em’d me and I didn’t write back. Think he would get the hint? Let’s see, I sent him 2 and he didn’t answer me for THREE WEEKS. My words pissed him off, but his LACK of words pissed me off.
If he asks me if I’m mad at him then I will throw out the line about ‘he can’t be what I want’. Should I just tell him I need some space away from you right now? I’m not in the mood for ‘small talk’ with him. Don’t know if I ever will be.
And I have no idea how I will react when I see him at work. I want to avoid him. What would you guys do? I already told myself I am not letting him in on my feelings anymore. I’ve shut him out. He doesn’t respond to them anyway.
Sorry it’s long but I’ve been thinking about this since he em’d me yesterday.
Maybe I should just tell him that I should have stuck with my gut reaction when he first told me he wanted to kiss me over 3 years ago when we were celebrating his ENGAGEMENT – I thought he was a RAT!

So what is it like to kiss a rat, that word so well discribs a man cheating on a woman before he marries her don't you think, a wonderfull husband and FRIEND NOT.
No do not answer, delete the mail, move on he is not worht the effort to understand.
JMHO
Free
"I had told MM that I wanted to stay friends. Wrote to him my feelings of why I needed to end it. "
We always want to have that last word...we want to have the last word and we want to see how they are. By writing back, even if it's casual conversation, we are leaving the door open just a bit for the future. Delete the message and don't reply. If you must respond, do so by telling him that you do not want him to contact you again. Neither one of you will be able to move forward unless you maintain NC.
"As you can guess, he was happy to hear that I can’t just write him off. I certainly can’t just jump back into the normal chit-chat. I just don’t want it. "
Of course he was; he still wants to leave the door open. You must close it.
"Should I answer his email? "
you already know the answer to this :-)
"If he asks me if I’m mad at him then I will throw out the line about ‘he can’t be what I want’. Should I just tell him I need some space away from you right now? I’m not in the mood for ‘small talk’ with him. Don’t know if I ever will be. "
Again, typical -- we want to find out how he is feeling and trell him how we are feeling. Things will never end if we don't stop acting on those urges. we will still get the urges from time to time, but we MUST NOT act on them.
"And I have no idea how I will react when I see him at work. I want to avoid him. What would you guys do? I already told myself I am not letting him in on my feelings anymore. I’ve shut him out. He doesn’t respond to them anyway. "
Remain neutral at work. Don't go by his desk and don't avoid him either. And don't do anything to make it seem like you are purposely avoiding him. Just neutral...
"Maybe I should just tell him that I should have stuck with my gut reaction when he first told me he wanted to kiss me over 3 years ago when we were celebrating his ENGAGEMENT – I thought he was a RAT! "
LOL!! Sounds like my XMM -- at a charity function four years ago, he told me he wanted to make love to me just once. My H and his BW were across the table at the time! I can't believe I fell into all that!! But yikes -- at his own engagement? Did he marry that girl?
Stay clear of this guy -- he is trying to keep you in the picture...
Good luck :-)