The unthinkable happened... XAP fished!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
The unthinkable happened... XAP fished!!
12
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 1:22am
Ended 8 yr on again/off again LDA after d-day nearly two years ago. 1.5 years of NC. I never ever thought he would. Which reminds yet again never say never. I always broke NC before. Even during a 3 year period of NC before, he never fished. It was a fb message. So although i didn't open it i could see what it said when i went to my messages (it was very short) "Hello! :)" Pardon my french, but WTF! I deleated and blocked. The only reason he wasnt blocked before was he initiated the fb blocking. (When I began Blocking and Walking, he figure out what was going on, and blocked fb-which we never used before i did). As a precaution I confirmed the blocks on phone and email. This all just feels so strange though. A few months ago, I posted about the change in my recurring drems. For 10 years I've known xAP, I often dream I am looking for him, but cant find him. The change in the dream was that he was looking for me to talk with me. When he finda me I just keep repeating to him "Whats the point?" So I kno I am resolved and made right decisions not responding and closing communication, but still I am thrown. All this happens at such crazy times too. At the beginning of the week completed requirements fo MFA, Friday I quit my job, and Saturday wake up to msg from xAP. So many conflicting and challenging emotions at one time.

Pages

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 8:18am

If typical, this may be a very hard week emotionally.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 9:58am

Oh, Good Lord!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 9:59am
Are you tired of being hidden and thrown bits and crumbs from a man who has another woman? It is not a compliment that he fished. He knows that he can run back into your life whenever he wants and you will keep his dirty little secret. You have to want more and not settle for so little.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 10:18am

It never ceases to amazing me how people who have caused other people pain, think the can just pop back into ones life with just a "hello" !!! Damn that makes me angry - mainly because they have obviously NO idea how hard ending has been for us!!

Good for you for KB for Ignoring the fishing attemp! Shows how far YOU HAVE come in your healing - and lets not forget it shows how little your xAP as developed since your break - he hasnt changed, lucky he not messing with your life any more - I hope you are really darn proud of yourself - despite the tough times your going through.

Hang in there.

WGO
Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 10:31am
Good job kb!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 11:15am
Good job KP! I can't imagine the shock of a fishing attempt after all this time!
Facebook is tricky. If someone has blocked you first, you cant "find" them to block them.
Formerly heartacheafter7years
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 3:18pm
Wow, I can't even.imagine.
Good job.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 9:42pm
Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I am flabbergasted about it really. I know I said it before, but he never fished, ever. Through the 8 year affiar there were a couple of beaking it offs, a few "disappearings." i was always always the one to try and initate contact again. (granted he usually took the bait). This isnt the longest we've gone without talking... So yeah unfortunately it has kicked on part of my brain to speculate, "why now? Whats going on?" but thankfully the voice inside my head which now knows "It doesnt matter" is way louder. Struggling with telling my husband or not. We had a messy d-day almost two years ago. Made promises to be honest, but and here's where it gets complicated. Husband tried to have a revenge affair last fall. I intercepted some e-mails and texts of him feeling out and propositioning a co-worker. He confessed when asked. We continue to work through things. As i type I wonder if I am answering my own question, that yes I should tell since we are working to be honest with each other, but then again I dont want him to be angry and upset. Still thinking and hesitating on this one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 10:29pm

KP,

Tell your H.

Formerly heartacheafter7years
Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 10:45pm
I agree with Angie, KP...read my post that I just wrote tonight about "Old me, new me"...I came right to my H with it all. Honesty is the key here! I didn't want any cracks left open, and I know you don't either! :)

Hearts <3

Pages