update

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
update
18
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 8:27pm

Went to my first AA meeting this morning.
Um, yah. I don't think I'm an alcoholic but man-oh-man I really need to get my shiz together. This is what I'm realizing: I mask my pain and deal with my problems with AVOIDANCE. Dating Mr. Jameson instead of xAP was just one more f'd up way of coping with a life that I feel is out of my control. I heard today about being a "Dry Drunk". mmmmm, do y'all know what that is??? that is someone who doesn't drink anymore but hasn't dealt with the issues that got them to drink in the first place. Sound familiar? How many of us are being Dry x-affair havers?

I have read about 100 pages of the Alcoholics Anonymous handbook, and I applied a lot of the insights to all behaviors I have that are self destructive and found that, about 360 degrees, I have the same issues with xAP, Alcohol, interpersonal issues. Oy, I have SO much work to do!

Thank the heavens above I have wise and loving women who have gone before me and I have this board to lean on. Newbies!!! listen!!! You really must let go of your conceit and ego and truly, truly listen to the leaders and vets here. What makes them stay? Long after their affairs are over and they have recovered? it's because they have a higher calling... they are blessed with a message that can _literally_ save the heart and soul of those of us who are lost. pls. pls. listen.

xoxoxoxoxoxox
Dee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: deeulta
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 9:41pm

Dee,


This post

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2010
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 1:00am

Dee and Iddy,

Bless you both for your honesty and openess. You have given me a great deal to think about in the days to come (and the very very long nights).

Hugs to you,
Misty

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 8:37am

Dear Iddy and Dee:


I don't have much time bc I hav to be somewhere in an hour and haven't even showered yet, but I am compelled to respond to your posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 9:41am

kmg, I tried to email you but your profile is not set up to receive emails. Please email me at slwf2010@gmail.com.


Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 10:05am

Thanks so much for this post Dee. I don't post hear that often but I have been reading it for almost a year after ending my A. I too, think I am a dry drunk. I believe at once I was a functioning alcoholic because every night I would have at least three glasses of wine. I too stopped drinking one day and decided never to drink again. I didn't like how my behavior changed when I drank and my kids noticed it.


I have been unemotionally available to my DH for ever in our M and I was a woman I didn't recognize during my A. Let's just say that Jenna Jamison (sp??) didn't have anything on me. I look back at the things I did with this man and I am embarrassed. While I have hidden who I really am from everyone I became this wild beast. When I say that I have an amazing DH (although he is now having an A that he thinks I don't know about) that is an understatement. My DH begged me for attention and love for years before his A but the more he showered me with affection and love the more I pushed him away. I am in T now to determine why I push away the ppl who genuinely care about me. I am realizing that my distant mother who never in her life told me she loved me and I never saw her hug my father or her children showed me that I must protect myself from those who love me. Anyway, just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 10:30am

I just wanted you to know how freakin proud of you I am!

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 10:37am

<<>>

mom_me

You have a lot on your plate. Your affair and now, your husband's affair (right?). I hope your T provides some answers for you. I too grew up in an loveless home where there was never any love shown. I knew my parents must have loved me, but I never heard it. I saw my parents kiss once and hug another time. I was determined to be the opposite with my children and I hope I've done a better job than my own parents did with me and my siblings. The things we did in our lives to gain that attention we never got - hopefully we learn from it and can go on living a better life. hugs to you mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 11:03am

I push away the ppl who genuinely care about me.

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 11:18am

Oh Dee-termined,


I got chills down my spine when I read your post.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 11:32am

Kmg,


Sometimes it is more comfortable to beat ourselves up rather than dealing with the real problems in our life. Beating yourself up serves no purpose and is more destructive behavior.


<anyone truly knows who I am>>


Isn’t it time you got to know yourself?


No more excuses. It’s time to get some help.


Do it for your family. Do it for your sons but most importantly do it for yourself!


Much love and big hugs,


E1


Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

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