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| Sun, 06-05-2005 - 10:39pm |
Hi everyone, I haven't been posting, but I have been reading and learning (I hope). I think I need to post on one of my good days, there have been a few. I notice that I don't do that, I only post when I am feeling really bad. Sometimes I just don't have the emotional energy to respond. There is such good advice on this board, coming from people who have been through or are going through the same thing. You know you are not alone and you also learn that it is going to take some time to heal. In my case, it is going to be a long time. I am the only person who is keeping me in this place of despair. I have been really sick for a few days, stomack virus or nerves, I'm not sure. My DH was great during this and we spent some time together alone today taking a long ride on the motorcycle. I was having a pretty good day until running into XOM and his girlfriend (I think they are joined at the hip). I will always be running into them, why can't I just accept it and move on? Why does this have to hurt me so bad? I made it through the camping trip and actually enjoyed some of it. It was very awkward, but we talked to each other a little bit and we were never alone. I watched him, he looked at her like he used to look at me. It hurt like hell, but I thought this might be a real eye opener for me. That maybe I would stop waiting for him to call and say he made a mistake and that it is really me he wanted? Talk about a fanasty???? I came out of this with no one really knowing (but a few suspecting) of the affair. All the small town gossipp is focused on them now. My DH is by far the better man for me. I can't stop thinking about XOM 24/7. I know he is bad for me, but I miss talking to him. He told me he wants to be friends, but when we see each other it is very awkward. One step forward and a few steps back, this is going to take awhile. Thanks for listening, just feeling sorry for myself right now

DP
I know you may not be able to believe this right now but your moveing forward you really have not taken any backword steps, slow and steady gets you there.
XOM is a rescuer type if yo uhad been so unlucky to have ended up with him he would have been rescuing some other unhappy married woman when you were not around to keep and eye on him.
I suggest that you accept the iead that friendship is not in the cards and settle for civil when you meet by chance but do your best to plan a life that does not include him were possible.
Free