Update
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| Mon, 11-29-2004 - 8:01pm |
Hi All,
It's been awhile since I last posted and a lot has happened with my xMM and my marriage, and well, me.
I think the last time I posted, my H had basically told me to pick smoking or him. I of course realize that smoking is his smokescreen for the A. Well, that night, I took a major chance. I realized that one of the reasons we were not getting anywhere was b/c he refused to talk about xMM and instead would just get angry at my smoking. Soooo, when he came back from cooling down, I told him that he needed to be a man (that was really harsh of me, but desparate times call for desparate measures) and address our real problem. So that opened the gate and he yelled, "Be a man??, alright, you cheated on me, again and again, you had an A w/that "curse word" and it hurts like hell. I've reached my breaking point from the pain you caused me." And do you know what? That was the best thing ever for our marriage. We both ended up crying and we talked thru the night about my A, our marriage, if we had a future together, if we could work together, if we were still in love, etc. I certainly don't recommend this for everyone, but it worked for us. It was a belated unburdening of all the pain he's been thru and instead of resenting each other or ignoring the problem we dealt w/it head on, together.
For the next week we tried to put aside time to talk about us (not necessarily the A) but about rebuilding US. Then we took a completely unplanned trip out of town for a few days - no phones, no email, just us being us. It was incredible. I fell in love with him again, but this time a different love, a love that has been raked over the coals and still managed to survive. Since then we have continued the work on the foundation of the love that we started to rebuild and while it's certainly not all roses, it's something special, something important to both of us.
Then, today, I got an email from xMM at work (I chickened out Free and never called IT to block him b/c I was afraid they'd ask questions & I'd crack). We hadn't emailed in quite awhile. The email was a typical xMM email - sexual, inappropriate, i miss you, i want you, where did you run off to - you know the kind. I took a deep breath and wrote back that I could no longer play w/him. That I was choosing to work on my marriage and that to do so I could no longer be involved with him on any level. He wrote back right away saying he was confused, why was I saying this, what did it mean? Again, I wrote back that I was choosing my marriage and that there was no room for him in my marriage. That I would no longer be replying to any of his emails no matter what they said, no matter what the context, and that it was over. He wrote back again that he didn't understand and for me to please not say another hurtful word. And that was how I let it end. I finally stood up for my marriage and for myself.
I no longer harbor the angry feelings I had for him weeks ago and I do not question my decision. I'm excited to start the holiday season and the rest of my life w/my H.

Blue
I am VERY VERY VERY HAPPY for you and your Husband stick to it girl and you can build a better marriage and relationship with him then you have ever had.
It seems TINY is determine to be a little dick right up to the end (excuse the pun), keep up the no contact and you will reap great rewards from it.
HOW TO BLOCK USING OUTLOOK
OPEN ONE OF THE OFFENDERS E-MAILS CLICK ON MESSAGE CLICK ON BLOCK SENDER, CLOSE AND DELETE E-MAIL and he is not knocking again.
Good luck
Free
I'm glad to read of your breakthrough conversation and subsequent turn of events for you.
Ending your affair certainly became a non-issue for you once your husband began talking to you again.
I'm sure you and husband will have the best holiday season you've ever had. The first of many more to come. I think both of you can really appreciate what you've been through and how
Blue
No but strangely I will be seeing a man about Lotes notes tommorrow so I will take the oportunity to ask him that question and if he can give me a good answer I will post it on it's own thread for all to see.
How about a limp dick award for dumping these dickheads once and for all.
I go along with the CL God bless you and hubby.
Free
That would be great - thanks!
And I love the limp dick award idea - i just laughed so hard i almost fell outta my chair!
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HAH! GIRL, you never cease to amaze me with your quick wit and your "to the point" wisdom! Thanks for the laugh.
And to Blueeyed....How awesome you finally faced those demons and went on a