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| Tue, 10-26-2004 - 9:39am |
Finally last night H said that he would meet me at my counselors. Not much has changed in the past week and some of the little things H has said have given me hope but I don't want to think like that. I just have to keep reminding myself that I have to take one day at a time and let H lead. I ended up writing H a letter on Friday night and leaving it for him on Saturday, it was everything that I felt for him, for us. I asked him to share his pain and hurt with me, that I want to understand. I took all the blame for everything I have done and I made sure I didn't tell him what he thought, only what I have been thinking. I apologized again for the A and everything I have done to him. It was 8 pages long and I don't even know if he read it, but I hope he did. I ended it with asking him to come to counseling with me.
I am nervous about going to counseling with him because I don't know what to expect. Still H is not talking but keeping everything in, I hope that he feels comfortable enough to talk with the counselor there. I haven't pushed but I haven't retreated either. I have given him his space and making every attempt to talk to him (even about everyday things and the kids) even when he doesn't respond to me. I have to say this is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I am determined to do anything I have to.
So off to counseling this afternoon and I am hoping that tomorrow I will have some better news. I do know this entire process could take years but I do think that after tonight I will be able to tell if H is willing to move forward or if it is truly over and that is what scares me. I need all of you guys to give me strength so that I can do this whatever happens. Thanks everyone and keep me in your prayers.
DAF

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ONE day at a time ONE step at a time, PATIENCE, for there will be ups and downs, BUT I chose to believe that your guys will make it in TIME.
Free
Daf, you've received some very good counsel on your situation.
Listen to it.
Stay your course.
Love your husband.
Go to counseling.
Keep talking.
Keep husband talking.
Talk it ALL out and create a new marriage.
Husband doesn't want to leave you.
He wants to leave the pains and disappointments of the old marriage.
So do you.
Learn from your failures, learn from his.
Agree to make changes and keep moving forward.
There is light at the end of your trail.......
I don't really have any advice b/c I have never experienced what you are going through now, but I have been through some pretty rough times (not all A-related) and I know how bleak life can seem.
A day at a time should be your goal. Focus on your kid(s), as I am sure they're affected but what's happening b/w you and your H. My parents almost got divorced more than once while I was growing up, and those were scary times.
Make sure you're getting enough sleep and food and try to do little things to de-stress. Exercise, get a massage. It won't cure your pain but it will help keep your body from breaking down.
Take care.
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