The Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
The Update
3
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 1:24am
Well here is the update about having to work with and see MM and his wife tonight. As I said from my posts on "I'm Ok" we work on a TV program at a local church. I had to work close with MM tonight. For those of you who have not read my posts, I gave him and ulimatum on Wed, July 7. I said he had to pick either me or his wife he could not have both and I would not continue. We have been nothing but friends for 5 years and in May it crossed over while they were having problems.

When we ending up alone during the taping ....I said to him " Just say it. I can take it I'm a big girl. Just say that you are going to stay with your wife. I need closure." He got so defensive and upset. He looked me in the eyes and said..." No, I won't say it because I do not know what I am going to do." I said " I love you, that does not change, but why can't you just say it?" He was mad. I told him this was torchure.

From my other posts I stated how is wife always wants me around them and is always wanting to be together. We share the love of horses and riding. I have backed way off from her and I know she knows and suspects. They had a party over the 4th of July and naturally I was invited. There were a lot of MM friends and we were all laughing, shooting fireworks and having a good time. Well MM's friend and his wife had obviously noticed the chemistry between MM and me and the flirting and preceeded to tell his wife. Well tonight he told me that she jumped him about this and said other people had said stuff about us. He said she pitched a fit. He told her we were very close friends and she knew that. He said he told her if she was so upset and did not like it why didn't she just leave. I think she backed off after that comment because she always threatens to leave and he always begs her to stay and now the tables were turned.

My point is....I begged him to just say the words " I'm staying with my wife." I told him I was a big girl and I could handle it and I needed closure. Why will he not say it? Why did he get defensive and say he was still thinking about it. We have not been calling each other for over a week since the ultimatum & I have not been going over to the house for dinner and visits like usual even though the wife has invited me. It has been a NC exept for the occational working together.

So what is everyone's take on this? Nothing has changed...the ultimatum is still the same. What do I do from here or say?

Thanks,

Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
In reply to: carla82168
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 7:14am
My opinion?? He wants his cake and to eat it to. He may love you, or say he does, but he is also thinking about himself. He doesn't want to ruin his marriage. Maybe he thinks if he doesn't give you an answer, if he keeps you dangling in limbo, you will still be there for him. Maybe by not giving you closure he is leaving things open for himself. He doesn't want to burn any bridges. Again, he may love you, I don't know the situation; but the reality is he loves himself first and his putting his needs first with little respect for yours. You need to be strong and put yourself first. Don't wait for him to give you closure, make it happen for yourself. If you think you can be friends with his wife (I think that is kind of odd), then that decision is up to you. If she wants you to be around, then you need to decide what is best for you.


Good luck and keep us posted on how things are going.

PS - I highly recommend reading the post about "Lost in Limbo".

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
In reply to: carla82168
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 8:52am
Exactly. He is keeping you in limbo for as long as he possibly can. Don't get stuck there. You are in a messy situation and if you really want to get out of it, you should not have any conversation with him beyond what is necessary for work unless & until he is moved out of the house or can show you divorce papers...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
In reply to: carla82168
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 5:57pm
Yes I have read the "Stuck in Limbo Land" and I printed it out. It is so good. I know he doesn't want to burn any bridges and neither do I, but I will not sit still and do nothing. The friendship with his wife is no big deal. She is just a "horse" friend because we all ride. I have backed off of her and her sick game.

She has a guy friend she wants me to meet and she brought him last night to the church we were taping at and introduced him to me right in front of MM! It was priceless. We went into my editing room and talked, laughed etc. He was a nice guy and I would go out with him if he asked. About 10 min. later MM came into my editing room prancing around telling me what a wimp this guy was. I told him I thought he was nice. It was funny to watch MM squirm. He knows I will move on and that's what is killing him and why he won't say he is staying with his wife. I think it's funny to watch the pressure on him for a while.

carla