Update and Grumbling
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|Thu, 04-24-2003 - 1:07am|
So ... I am so angry now. I am also tempted to write to him. But I'm also afraid. Those of you who know what I've been through in the last four months (and before that) know that I don't want to get pulled back into affair hell. After everything I've been through how can I even contemplate the possibility? Why am I so afraid of getting pulled back in?
So I haven't contacted him. I don't know what to say. What is there to say, right? As far as I know he is still married. Nothing has chnaged. He's just doing one of these MM numbers. I knew it would happen. It's not unusual that they make contact around two to three months. What exactly does he expect? It burns me up how he can be so casual in his hello. It burns me up that he wrote: I want to be with you and I will be, God willing. That's so arrogant! Why does he assume I still want to be with him? I want so much to ask him this. I also want to find out which century and/or lifetime he intends to be with me in ... and I also want to know what the heck he means by "be with you". No mention of marriage there. No mention of divorce. Yuck.
I don't need this in my life, do I? I was making great progress, now I feel like I'm back in the dumps, worrying, wondering, waiting. Look at me. Somebody give me a good kick in the rear. Somebody tell me I'm better than this. Somebody tell me I deserve better. Somebody tell me I need to go on with my life and ignore this man. I can't believe that only a short time ago I was living like this every day, waiting, worrying, wondering.
There's nothing wrong with me. I shouldn't be worried about what he'll think about me, what he'll think about my not replying. That's his problem. If he can't understand that I don't want contact as long as he's married, why would I want to be with him? I need someone who respects me and treats me well. We all do, and we shouldn't settle for less.