Update... and hopefully some hope...
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Update... and hopefully some hope...
| Mon, 02-09-2004 - 10:10am |
It has been a while since I have posted. I haven't posted that long, basically started intense posting after Thanksgiving, those of you that aren't familiar with my story can take a look back in the archives. It's been almost 2 months of contact for me. I ended the affair, after a solid year, because his wife was about to find out. I still consider xMM my one true love in this life and he will most likely always be in my heart. I sobbed everyday for I don't know how long about him and the loss of dreams. Over time, I would only cry once a day, then every other day... and I have to honestly say he doesn't "cosume" me anymore. The last few years I have cringed when my H would want to touch me or be close to me, and especially after the A started I didn't want to have anything to do with him (for lots of past problems). But you know what... I have really tried to put 200% of myself back into him and our marriage, not really wanting to at times, and he hasn't even been all that responsive. But, to make a long story short, last night was the first night in I can not tell you how long, that I went to be (H was already asleep) and willingly put my arms around him to be close to him. He then turned around and put his arms around me and kissed me on my forehead. As if this was something he had been waiting for, for years. I'm still struggling with xMM, in fact just this morning I had a very good cry session... but those sessions are getting few and far between. I actually have a renewed love for my H... but it has also taken a lot of work on my part and a lot of communication. No... he still has no clue about the affair. Sometimes I want to tell him and then other times I think there is no way I could hurt him like that, especially if we are already rebuilding.
Anyway, for those of you that are just beginning NC or contemplating NC, I just want you to know there is hope... and brighter days are ahead. It still hurts, but I actually see myself moving one step forward, everyday, small steps, though still steps just the same.
Hugs for ALL!!!
~Serenity

As for my H, who knows what will happen there. I am amazed that you can rekindle your love, and am happy for you. I am still in the position of believing XOM is the only true love for me.
Thanks so much for taking the time to keep in touch with us and to offer some encouragement.
I'm truly happy for your progress!
~Serenity
(and you have a cool screen name!)
I love to see other people preach the NC gospel!!! (Try it free for 60 days... it works!)
Way to go, serenityhopefaith!!!
I have been putting all my energy into trying to change my life style (getting off the couch) and fixing up my home. I am going to move within the next year. Then I also always had a Mastiff breeding dream. I have two now that are just the love of my life but I finally put my deposit down on my third, the one that can breed with my male. That makes me really happy.
Still plugging along
Just wanted to leave a reply of understanding.
R