Update and Words of Wisdom

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Update and Words of Wisdom
3
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 5:55pm
Hi everyone! I haven't been here for a while, maybe even close to 2 months, but I just wanted to pop in and say hello and give an update on my situation.

In short, I ended my A of 6 months in June, finally decided to go complete NC. OM and I are teachers in the same school district and have many mutual colleagues/friends.

When I went finally went complete NC, I had absolutely NO communication with OM, including ignoring his many calls/e-mails/text messageds. Finally in late July, we were at a mutual friend/colleague's house for a BBQ. OM was with his fiance', I was with H. OM acted extremely strangely, one minute trying to make "inside jokes" that only I would understand, the next minute taking pot shots at me through jokes, ridicule, etc. The ridicule got so bad, that H noticed, and mentioned it later by saying, "What's with that guy? What did you ever do to him?" I laughed it off saying that OM and I didn't share the same political views and that my team beat his team in our fantasy football league last year and he was bitter. Which are both true, but not the motive behind OM's comments.

When we left that night, I was hugging everyone goodbye and OM said, "Where's my hug?" I hugged him and made some joke about him always giving me a hard time and when he hugged me he whispered, "Call me" in my ear. Of course I never called him, which in hindsight maybe I should have done, just to say "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Fast forward a week, and I started receiving calls/e-mails/text messages again. Then, I started receiving calls from numbers I did not know (caller ID), but which were in OM's area code. I suspect he was using other phones to try to get me to answer. His next tactic was to enlist unsuspecting mutual friends to try to do his dirty work. He had several people call me to invite me out to the bar. I did not answer these calls either, and the one call I did answer I ended abruptly as soon as the person calling mentioned OM's name. I said that I had another call and that I couldn't make it to the bar.

So at this point, I was starting to get a little freaked out. Last Tuesday, I got a call from OM that he and a group of mutual friends were at the local bar where we hang out, asking where I was and could I meet them there. I never returned the call, but guess who drove past my house (completely out of his way, btw) several hours later...I was returning from a riding lesson and taking my saddle out of the trunk. I had just closed my trunk and was turning towards the house when I saw him drive by. He looked over at me, and then kept driving. I put my saddle in the garage and went inside.

About 5 minutes later he called my cell phone and left a message to let me know that he was just taking a "shortcut" to get home. This is complete BS. He lives in another state than me and has to drive on a highway and a bridge to get home. I live in the complete opposite direction from the bridge in an out of the way neighborhood.

Again, I did not acknowledge his call. The final straw came this week when he called my house phone from his car phone and left a message that said, "I know you're home I saw your car in the driveway and I see your TV on."

I was freaked out and worried about what he might try next, so I wrote him a short, non-incriminating e-mail that basically said please stop trying to contact me. I have not heard from him since, but I am still nervous and freaked out about all of this.

The moral of the story is this:

In the beginning of ending my A, it was easier for me to just ignore OM rather than confront him and discuss the ending of the A. However, I now believe that I should have been more upfront and honest with him by clearly stating my intentions to end the A once and for all and clearly state that I wanted NC. I did not do this, and now I am dealing with this mess. For all of you either in the ending stage, or thinking of ending an A, please consider this when deciding how to end things with the OM/OW, especially if your OM/OW does not want the A to end.

I just hope that this will help some of you who are looking for answers and guidance, and give you one more thing to think about on your road to freedom.

Take care,

Circe

P.S. Ending the A was the best thing I have ever done! I feel much better about myself, my relationship with H is slowly but surely getting back on track, and I no longer feel those out-of-control feelings that come with an A. I did it, and you can too! Hang in there, everyone, it DOES get better!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 7:32pm
HI IC

I am glad to here that you are moving on and have no regrets about ending the affair.

I have to tell you I question is a man that would go that wonkers would have listened to what you wanted or would have accepted it, he just sounds like a sore loser by all of his bad acting.

Blessings on you and your hubby

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 8:16pm
Thanks free! :)

Yeah, I wasn't sure whether he just didn't "get it" or he was being, as you put it, a "sore loser". My hunch is that he didn't like being the one rejected, so this is how he shows it.

But, his tactics sure didn't work. I have absolutely NO desire to have any form of communication with him whatsoever, and hope that now that I have expressed this to him, I won't be hearing from him ever again.

Thanks again for your reply and support!

-circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 9:55pm
geez - rejection can sure make some people do WEIRD things! He freaks me out... you are handling his freakiness better than I would! :p LOL

2 things...

1) I am SO happy to hear you are doing good (fyi - you don't know me, I'm fairly new). Your story gives me hope! But I guess it has to be easy when the guy is acting like a freak - makes sense that you wouldn't wanna be with him! ROTFL

2) I feel SOOOOOOOOO horrible for his fiance - she must be so oblivious. :( To think he's engaged and yet he is calling you and asking you to call him with her right in the room! THAT is the stuff that makes me think I'll NEVER trust a man again! :( Oh well...

Anyway... thanks for stopping in - us newbies enjoy hearing stories of success!!! :)