Update on dday--DH is home!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2010
Update on dday--DH is home!
6
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 10:53pm

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Edited 5/14/2010 11:47 am ET by serenity_88

~~Serenity~~


Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace. ---Buddha

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 11:29pm

You are so blessed Serenity to have a H like yours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 7:20am

I am so very proud of you for coming clean with your H. He sounds like a keeper and together the two of you can get past all of this. I would suggest MC if your H is willing to go. As they say, "What doesn't

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 10:07am

I am so proud of you Serenity. You will find great comfort in the unconditional love of your H in the days to come. Lean into him. Let him back in. It will be the most humbling and empowering thing you've ever done... when you realize that he loves you in spite of yourself... that he will stand by you and forgive you when you've done the unthinkable. I will be forever grateful for my H's strength to pull us both through the mess that I created. I wish you all the happiness in the world.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 11:23am

Hi Serenity,

I'm glad you and your husband are finding a way to each other. I too have a child-centered marriage and I too struggled with the question of why my xAP would chase a married woman. It must have been love, right? Then I found an internet site that advises married men wanting to cheat to go after married women instead of single ones, so the AP would have as much to lose as them and would refrain from making a scene, telling the W and so on, when the A was over. That doesn't answer your question, though, since your xAP is single. But, then, going after a married W means no responsibility. She has a home, complete with H, furniture, car, children and pets. AP doesn't need to provide anything, just fun, as long as it pleases him. I don't know if this is the case with your xAP, of course. It's just one reasonable explanation.

I hope things continue to improve,

Prudence

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 5:09pm

Serenity..

It is quite possible that he went after you because deep down he does not REALLY want a commitment. Maybe even subconsciously. Regardless, it doesn't really matter why HE did it, but, rather, why you did. If you look only there, you will keep him at bay, not succumb again to him or anyone else. Your husband is back, he loves you and wants to work things out. I don't know that this charitable attitude will prevail should this happen again in any form. That includes emails, phone calls or rendevous'. This is not one of your friends. It's someone you cheated on your husband with, so there should be no need on your part to maintain ANY sort of contact with him whatsoever. I mean none...zero, zip, zilch, nada. And if you find yourself starting to levetate again and drifting up to the clouds of Unicorn-land, grab ahold of something to pull yourself down. Perhaps your husband himself or your children. Stop, drop and roll. And remember....the land of infidelity is a bad neighborhood you don't want to enter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2010
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 10:54pm
Thanks again, everyone. Your help here has really made things so much better. I will keep checking in to see how all are coping and getting through the mess...hope that we all have learned something here. Love to all~~

~~Serenity~~


Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace. ---Buddha

~~Serenity~~


Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace. ---Buddha