Update on Lilah's situation
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| Mon, 01-12-2004 - 12:09pm |
My New Year's Resolution was not to feed this monster and I plan to stick to that but he's not making it easy. Every time I see him, every conversation I have with him, he just stares at me like he is star struck, like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I keep talking as though I don't notice and eventually he stops, but Friday he just came out and said, "You're so pretty." He also touched me on my bare back when I was standing near him. Each time he asks, "I shouldn't have done that, should I?" With the touch I just shrugged and said, "I'm not the person to answer that question." With the compliment, I said, "I'm not going to turn down a compliment." That's when he got really disturbed and said, "Don't you want me anymore?" I said, "Yes, but I've come to the realization that nothing can be done about it. EVER. So what's the point?" He said, "Ever is a long time." I changed the subject and that was that. The problem is, he specifically told me a while back that when I don't respond to his come-ons, it makes him try harder because it's a challenge. I don't WANT him to try harder. I want to stay where we are now, with him looking at me like that every time he sees me, with him telling me how beautiful I am, but NOT with us talking about what we want to do to each other. I just want to stay on the other side of that line. Is that possible? Because if I give in and go down that same path I've gone down before over and over again, in a couple of weeks he's not going to be speaking to me again and I'm going to be crying all the time. I'm trying to break the cycle. Am I on the right path??? I just don't know if I'm qualified to string a guy along, only giving him just enough of me to keep him interested.

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Let me get this straight.
Iknowitstime
(and so do you)
Jazzdiva
"Attention hog"? Sounds rather like you re using low self-esteem and low self-respect to continue your dance with MM. Note I have written it as MM, not xMM. because from your post it doesn't seem that you really are being intentional in ending your affair.........
I wish you well, adn hope you decide to tell stbxMM DIRECTLY that the affair is over and you value yourself too much to settle for crumbs in a part-time relationship. That means anything you say in conversation in him going forward is what you'd say to him in front of your H/BF (I don't remember if you're married). You know, above board and not something you need to hide from anyone else..........
Good luck in completely valuing yourself and ending your affair..........
cl-nre
Jazzdiva
I wish I had known back then what I know now. Honestly, I may or may not have listened. My MM may be my soulmate...the man of my dreams...but, I don't think trying to rescue him from the burning building, that is called his life, while putting my own self in danger in the process is a very smart thing to do. They always tell you not to run back into a burning building. You already know that building is ablaze and you are contemplating running in. You have a statisticly very bad chance here. You are not unique. That is probably the most humbling thing about this board...you are no different and neither is your affair. You are gambling your life and self-esteem in the long term for a few short term pleasures now. Stop looking at what you are dreaming about and start looking at what is really in front of you. You think you are frustrated and confused now? Sweety, you are just merely standing at the top of the big, black hole and looking in. Oh, please don't fall in. And, if you stay looking at that hole long enough, it will reach up and suck you right in. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in some horrific situation a year from now (pick anything horrible you can think of - not just an affair). Would you willingly put yourself in that horrible situation you just thought of? ...me neither, now :) But, I did five years ago. The difference is that I didn't know anything of what I know now. Please, use our pain wisely...to avoid yours.
Bird