Update on me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Update on me
3
Fri, 10-22-2010 - 5:47am

Hi all

Havent posten in a few days- mostly because the new board is offputting but also because Im trying to stay off the computer at night time and spend time with my family instead.

Well Im going ok- cant say Im great yet but getting better slowly. Its been 6 weeks since I ended it. Apart from a few fishing atempts that I wrote about, its been quiet lately- thank heavens as Im not as strong with the fishing attempts as i hoped.

But whats got me down lately is the obvious issues I was 'medicating' with the A. My self-esteem, body image issues, marriage issues and the whole 'is this all there is' stuff. Gawd I have so much to work through. But I can see now that I was using the A to gloss over these things. I wanted to control the A and his interaction with me- but deep down I felt great loss of control the whole time.

Anyway I just wanted to check in. He hasnt fished. He chose his W (of course- as I chose my H). But still I keep reminding myself of that to help me stay strong. He let the whole A go pretty quickly I see now. And now I have to deal with all the issues that lead me into the A in the first place- its exhausting!

On the upside I engaged a personal trainer and Im doing regular exercise for the first time in years. I'll get there- I read EAS most days and I am keeping up with all your journeys. They inspire me :)

Iggy x

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Fri, 10-22-2010 - 6:51am

Iggy,

I'm so proud and happy for you that you hired a personal trainer to help you get into better physical shape. It will do WONDERS for you and your overall well being. As much as I sometimes have to literally kick myself to get up and go run or go to the gym, I always feel so amazing and accomplished afterward. I truly believe exercise is one of the best things we can do for ourselves on so many levels. You might want to expore yoga, too. I recently started a beginners class and I am amazed at how much I absolutely love it.

Aren't you so proud of yourself for seeing the futility of the A and finally ending it? Isn't NC truly the best way to move from that dysfunctional and fradulent R back into your RL. Aren't you grateful that you have reinvested all that time and energy you spent in the A back into yourself? There are so wonderful things you can do with your time now.

Yes, it is exhausting to examine ourselves and deal with the fallout of the A. Sometimes you really just have to give yourself a break. I found that I had to step away from EAS at times just to shake my brain free of so many A thoughts.

Sweetie, time and exercise and you loving yourself will get you through this. I really am so proud of you for taking real steps to better yourself. Even stepping away from your computer at night to spend more time with the family takes a bit of strength and you have done that, too!! There's just no stopping you now, Iggy. :)

Have a perfectly fabulous Friday!

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 10-22-2010 - 8:28am

(((Iggy)))

Thanks for checking in, honey. I think of you often and wondered how you were doing. Alwayst responding with the same things I would have said, so no need to repeat them. Remember, it's only been 6 weeks, and although that is huge in the book of NC, you are still in the very early/raw phase of recovery. So much goes through our heads and it is easy for out brains to overload. The things you are doing to move on are very impressive, even if you don't see it that way.

I am very proud of you.

Love and hugs,

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Fri, 10-22-2010 - 10:06am

Iggy!!! I'm so glad you are doing well!