An update from a newbie...
Find a Conversation
An update from a newbie...
| Fri, 12-31-2010 - 12:57am |
hello, i wanted to check in from a couple wks ago when i first posted
for the first time. I've been busy traveling for the holidays and had
no privacy or computer access during that time.
My last
posted

Hello,
I would like to welcome you back to the board - but I not sure if your affair is really over, or if you'll jump the first time he makes contact with you. Have you blocked him from your email/phone etc ...? Have you deleted all those old messages? Thrown out ALL gifts or tokens of your relationship? What steps have you taken to actually end your affair other than the half - aszed attempt to say good-bye on Christmas Day?
You think now the hardest part is not being able to openly grieve - believe me it can get MUCH harder if there is a Dday. I suggest you read the healing library thread related to Ddays. It should scare your brain straight - at least long enough to get blocking & deleting ALL things A related. YOU have a family to loose, he does not.
"I want him to miss that!! Is it wrong for me to say that?? I know it is, but I CANT HELP IT!!"
Please stay and read ... you will come to see that you can absolutely "help it". You can learn about the toxic nature of affairs, and just how destructive it has all been to yourself & your family.
You want him to miss you so that you can feel like you meant something to him, that all the "wrongness" is somehow okay as long as he had real feelings for you. Guess what? It doesn't matter. There have been many posts on this board lately about the REAL LIFE things that happen to us to help us get our priorities in place: Family members getting diagnosed for Cancer, a fellow poster Being diagnosed and treated with Cancer, Ddays, Job losses ... you don't want to have to experience one of these things to SNAP you back to reality.
We are a wonderful community - we listen & support without colluding. You want to re-build your marriage? Then time to take FULL accountability for what YOU did to destroy that relationship. You need time to digest your actions, to mourn the loss of who you thought you were, and to get your priorities straight. This is NOT the time to give your H a lengthy list of all the things he could have done/should be doing to make the marriage work. This is the time for reflection & contemplation. Time. With Time.
Much Care & please stick around,
TU.
That's why we call it "block and walk" here. No "last time dinners", no "soft kisses", no "strong arms" around you, no pining for someone who's been everything to you for a year...when you have husband at home. I doubt he didn't receive your email - he called because he wanted to continue playing and was hoping you'll change your mind. And you took the bait and met him.
Make sure next time he calls, you are ready to hang up. That will be your real ending. Keep reading and posting here, I have to agree with TU - not sure if you are ready to end. All this romance you're writing about doesn't really belong here on EAS.
Gone
Thanks for posting on here.