Update - Not doing well!
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| Fri, 03-19-2004 - 11:43am |
It's been a while since I last posted. As an update, I moved in to my apartment last Saturday. Wanted to use the time to clear my head, and decide whether to stay in my marriage, or leave and be with the OM. Honestly, it's not going very well. I haven't been able to maintain NC with either, and every day I just get more depressed. If I see OM again, H will file for divorce, which really scares me. But, the thought of never seeing OM again leaves me so depressed I can't even get out of bed. I feel like I'm stuck in purgatory.
Seriously, I have no idea what to do. I have been with H for 14 years. He is a good man, and I really do love him. But, it's more like a friendship, and we've never had the kind of passion or connection that I have with OM. If I stay, I think I'll always wonder what could have been, and feel like I'm settling (I'm only 33). I know I'll always think of OM (who is single, and wants to marry me), and long for what we have. But, if I go, I know that I will always wonder what would have happened if I worked harder in my marriage, and tried to keep my family together.
It's the same old question - stay with what is safe and comfortable, or take a risk, hurt people I love, and try to find more fullfillment? Honestly, I'm close to losing both of them, and I feel myself becoming more depressed and shutting down emotionally more everyday.
| Fri, 03-19-2004 - 1:06pm |
