update/ still need support

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
update/ still need support
5
Fri, 04-22-2005 - 9:35am

well as an update... om and i have not communicated at all for about 1 month. even though it hurts a lot, i have tried to be strong. i realize that if i dont sent text to say hello...he doesnt. no matter how hard i tried to keep our friendhip alive, it was not what he wanted. i realize i have to finally stop trying and move on. it has been very hard, but time does make it better no matter how hard it is every day while you wait for "time" to kick in.

as for the marriage..it is still there. i hope it will get better with time. for now im still very hurt from the affair.

im still not a happy person...i am still very sad. i hope time brings me happiness

for now i still go day by day and i hope each day i make it through.

i wish i had answers...i still wonder what i can do to be happy...how do i put OM behind me and all the pain i feel behind me once and for all...

thanks for listening
upsidedown

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
Fri, 04-22-2005 - 9:48am

I'm sending thoughts your way. It is so hard, I know! I hope that you feel better with each day, it does get easier, I promise!

Karry

Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Sat, 04-23-2005 - 8:04am
i feel your pain.. its only been just a week with NC for me and i feel like im losing it ... i wonder every day if todays the day if he will write IM or call me.. but i know he wont .. i see him online but i cant reach out.. i know this is for the best but the thoughts consume me still... just one word from him is all i want... but it will just make this start all over .. good for u for surviving for a month already ..i hope i can be that strong ....
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sat, 04-23-2005 - 10:09am

I just wanted to type a note to let you both know ... there are more of us in the same situation. I rarely post, because frankly, it's difficult for me to do so at work or home; but I gain alot of strength from those of you who do. I, too, have recently begun to experience more of the "downs" of the "up and down" cycles of ending an EMA.

(Brief hx of my story: OM and I are high school sweetheart -- first love, each lost virginity, yada yada... We went our seperate ways in college because we were young. We reconnected eight years ago before our 10th reunion and maintained a friendship. Things escalated to an EMA after seeing one another in person on a business trip last year).

I had hoped that we would maintain a frienship, but like so many of our men, I am realizing how truly narcissistic my OM really is. When our relationship was filled with sexual tension, we communicated regularly and saw one another every couple of months (we love 100 miles apart); however, since I decided I needed to give my marriage a final try (february), I haven't heard from him, unless I initiated contact. We recently went over a month without contact...and feeling VERY weak, I sent an email. I have yet to hear back from him and the roller coaster ride intensifies.... anger, sadness, desire, ...you name it. In so many ways, if I could go back in time...I would. It's a difficult thing to realize that I've not married the LOML, but that the LOML is a selfish SOB.

Thanks for listening....
Serenity

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 04-23-2005 - 10:17am
Serenity-i know what you mean. About the "love of your love" turning out to be a selfish SOB. My ExMM is a definite selfish SOB..and it took me awhile to let myself even see it..because how could that be true, when in fact he adored me and was so attentive to everything about me for awhile. But he is a selfish man. I used to let him make me believe he was too busy (He wasn't. He was busy yes, but people make time for one another even if it's a short bit of time).. He also seemed to always have a new drama going all the time within his life. Oh how busy he was, just so awful- his job is his own business and he supposedly loves it but would go on and on about how he was busting his butt this day and that day. And then he'd complain about his wife and her new dramas and on and on. There were times I felt like telling him he was more moody and full of drama than any woman I knew. Narcissitic behavior definitely fit him, when I read up on it. I just kept wishing and hoping I was wrong. But I'm not wrong and he is a man who ultimately drew me in with the wonderful side of himself-only to reveal the other sides as time went on..and wow did that show me that my husband was definitely the right man for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sat, 04-23-2005 - 10:21am
Yes, slowly, but surely, I am realizing the same thing.... how do you get through and manage to focus on your DH?