upset - need support

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
upset - need support
5
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 10:52am
Well for the past month my h and I were trying to get pregnant. I was taking Clomid to help out the situtation. This project has kinda taken my mind off of my XMM. I feel when it happens I will have something else to focus on. This morning I found out that I am not pregnant this month. I am so depressed bc I wasted so many months on my XMM and got nothing out of it. Now my children will be further spread out in age bc of me. Also my XMM and his wife are expecting. She found out a couple of weeks after we broke things off. It was very unexpected for them. I feel like such a fool bc that was the main reason I was using on why we couldn't go on anymore bc I wanted to get pregnant with my h. I saw XMM and wife back in Ocotber and told her I was late which I was - she was so excited and I said I don't know but I said that we weren't going to tell anybody until I was alot further along. I didn't say I was pregnant but acted like it could be happening soon. I feel like such a fool. He knows I wanted another child and here he is getting another child he didn't even want to begin with. I feel he one uped me again. I know he may not know whats going on with me but I don't know what my h has told him about anything. I feel he is over there laughing bc we aren't pregnant yet. Also one of the last things he told me was it kills him to think about me getting pregnant and having another baby. Well by the time that happens I won't even be a memory in his mind anymore. I know I shouldn't care about that but if I could have some pleasure knowing he was hurting in some way but its too late now. I am just depressed today bc of my test results. COuld use some happy thoughts and reasons why I shouldn't feel down with XMM. Oh I did get pregnant back in APril of this year but miscarried. I was so thankful bc I was with my XMM and the condom broke and I was with my h so who knows about that. I know trashy. I hate myself for that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 11:37am

<<<<>>>

All I saw were MAJOR red flags in your post:

#1: You are still all wrapped up in XMM whether you believe it or not. WHY would you even consider having another child right now? Children DO NOT stop women from cheating, or have you not noticed from the posts on here?

#2: Why do you even care what XMM thinks? If he is supposed to be out of your life, then keep him out. What he and his wife do are NONE of your concern. Are you wanting to get pregnant just so you can thumb your nose at him? Sounds that way in your post.

Merehud - You are not in competition with your X-lover. If anything, what you had and what you did should be turning your stomach. When you get to this point, then you are ready for morning sickness!!

~True~

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 12:25pm

******This project has kinda taken my mind off of my XMM.*****

Okay, what am I missing here? Project? Getting pregnant is now called a project? Like gluing sparkly stars on a candle or building a birdhouse?

My dear, first you are upset because your illicit lover rejected you. Then after NC, you see a picture of XMM that upsets you immensely and now you are upset because you are not pregnant with your husband's child.....

Are you in counseling? If not, may I suggest it? I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but bringing a child into a marriage that is just barely out of the danger zone of lies and deceit is very unsettling. JMHO.

Sunny




Edited 11/24/2004 12:34 pm ET ET by sundrian
Sunny
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 12:32pm
Actually we tried getting pregnant before my XMM came along so no I am not doing this to thumb him up. I made the decision to put it on hold bc of what was going on with XMM. When it was over and my h and I were talking we decided to start tyring again. I wanted another child long before this happened. I am not doing this bc I think it will prevent me from cheating. I will NEVER do this again to myself or my husband. I was just upset with myself bc last year at this time we were trying and I could have gotten pregnant by now but instead got involved with XMM. I am mad at myself for allowing one year to go by in my life that could have been more productive. Yes, my post may have sounded like I am still wrapped up im him and some days I do miss him and wonder if he still missses me but thats all I do and then I move on. Its hard to just forget about someone after you turned your life upside down for them and planned out a future with someone else. I am trying to do the best I can and I know I am ready for another baby. If I wait until the day that I don't ever think about my XMM again- I will be old. I am not trying to one up him but if I could have some happiness in life it would be good. I guess I feel that he is not suffering at all and he does have another baby on the way. His life is great and has moved on and I look like I am still in the same place as when we broke it off. Thats all I will feel better soon - I'm sure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 12:52pm

Mere,

You life is also great. You and your H are going to have another baby eventually! That's so wonderful to even think about, let alone create.

I understand your feelings about xMM moving on with his "great" life. I think along those same lines. I assume xMM is happy go lucky, living his perfect little life, with his perfect little wife and FOUR perfect little kids. However, that's my assumption. I have no idea if he's really happy or not. I simply assume that since I can't make him happy, that he found it elsewhere and left me here to mourn our sad little A.

I'm neurotic, I know.

However, didn't you recently report that your H. mentioned that the xMM is looking tired and haggard? Three kids and a pregnant wife? Maybe he's overwhelmed, overworked and overlooked by his stressed spouse.

But to be frank, who cares. He has no bearing on your life anymore. Yes, you lost some time, but you can make it up. Don't waste anymore of your great life wondering about him. As I tell myself, obviously our xMM's aren't too worried about us or we wouldn't be wondering about that fact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 3:14pm
Don't worry about what he is feeling or thinking. I know, easier said than done. He is trying to move on with his life and so should you. he has a baby on the way and he has to make his family his priority right now. He probably has feelings for you, but he is trying to do the right thing and put his family first. Please respect that. Also, please get yourself into some couseling. It will help you so much. Be thankful that you still have your husband and that you didn't let the affair ruin your marriage like I did. Please, please get into some therpy and don't have a baby until you are healed.