upset - need support
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upset - need support
| Wed, 11-24-2004 - 10:52am |
Well for the past month my h and I were trying to get pregnant. I was taking Clomid to help out the situtation. This project has kinda taken my mind off of my XMM. I feel when it happens I will have something else to focus on. This morning I found out that I am not pregnant this month. I am so depressed bc I wasted so many months on my XMM and got nothing out of it. Now my children will be further spread out in age bc of me. Also my XMM and his wife are expecting. She found out a couple of weeks after we broke things off. It was very unexpected for them. I feel like such a fool bc that was the main reason I was using on why we couldn't go on anymore bc I wanted to get pregnant with my h. I saw XMM and wife back in Ocotber and told her I was late which I was - she was so excited and I said I don't know but I said that we weren't going to tell anybody until I was alot further along. I didn't say I was pregnant but acted like it could be happening soon. I feel like such a fool. He knows I wanted another child and here he is getting another child he didn't even want to begin with. I feel he one uped me again. I know he may not know whats going on with me but I don't know what my h has told him about anything. I feel he is over there laughing bc we aren't pregnant yet. Also one of the last things he told me was it kills him to think about me getting pregnant and having another baby. Well by the time that happens I won't even be a memory in his mind anymore. I know I shouldn't care about that but if I could have some pleasure knowing he was hurting in some way but its too late now. I am just depressed today bc of my test results. COuld use some happy thoughts and reasons why I shouldn't feel down with XMM. Oh I did get pregnant back in APril of this year but miscarried. I was so thankful bc I was with my XMM and the condom broke and I was with my h so who knows about that. I know trashy. I hate myself for that.

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All I saw were MAJOR red flags in your post:
#1: You are still all wrapped up in XMM whether you believe it or not. WHY would you even consider having another child right now? Children DO NOT stop women from cheating, or have you not noticed from the posts on here?
#2: Why do you even care what XMM thinks? If he is supposed to be out of your life, then keep him out. What he and his wife do are NONE of your concern. Are you wanting to get pregnant just so you can thumb your nose at him? Sounds that way in your post.
Merehud - You are not in competition with your X-lover. If anything, what you had and what you did should be turning your stomach. When you get to this point, then you are ready for morning sickness!!
~True~
******This project has kinda taken my mind off of my XMM.*****
Okay, what am I missing here? Project? Getting pregnant is now called a project? Like gluing sparkly stars on a candle or building a birdhouse?
My dear, first you are upset because your illicit lover rejected you. Then after NC, you see a picture of XMM that upsets you immensely and now you are upset because you are not pregnant with your husband's child.....
Are you in counseling? If not, may I suggest it? I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but bringing a child into a marriage that is just barely out of the danger zone of lies and deceit is very unsettling. JMHO.
Sunny
Edited 11/24/2004 12:34 pm ET ET by sundrian
Mere,
You life is also great. You and your H are going to have another baby eventually! That's so wonderful to even think about, let alone create.
I understand your feelings about xMM moving on with his "great" life. I think along those same lines. I assume xMM is happy go lucky, living his perfect little life, with his perfect little wife and FOUR perfect little kids. However, that's my assumption. I have no idea if he's really happy or not. I simply assume that since I can't make him happy, that he found it elsewhere and left me here to mourn our sad little A.
I'm neurotic, I know.
However, didn't you recently report that your H. mentioned that the xMM is looking tired and haggard? Three kids and a pregnant wife? Maybe he's overwhelmed, overworked and overlooked by his stressed spouse.
But to be frank, who cares. He has no bearing on your life anymore. Yes, you lost some time, but you can make it up. Don't waste anymore of your great life wondering about him. As I tell myself, obviously our xMM's aren't too worried about us or we wouldn't be wondering about that fact.