URGES and revelations

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
URGES and revelations
6
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 2:08pm
First reason for posting now - I want to e-mail HIM! I keep thinking about what I would write - a chatty e-mail and tell him all about the new armoire we just got and how much I love it and how much I want him to drop by and see it. NO - I CAN'T - AND I won't - but I want to! Darn those 3 beers I have had this evening! They get me thinking this way! I will get past it. He is NOT that great. Oh the things I could post that you all would laugh at - but I don't want to waste my time!

Second - revelations! My therapist is awesome! I went in today and left feeling great. I have a LOT of creative energy and since moving I haven't been doing much with it. There are lots of things I could do but don't have the desire or motivation. My creativity and recognition for that was my spark. I never knew how much until I moved so far from home and took a break from it! We talked about it today and suddenly xOM was the furthest thing from my mind and I was feeling really happy. I'm identifying my void and working on it. It feels good!

Just wanted to share.

This board is a marriage saver to me!

Love to all of you! We all can get through this and be better and stronger for the experience!

-Lazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 4:01pm
YAY LAZY!!!!!!! ((((((HUGS))))))

What a great post!!!! Your therapist sounds awesome. What a great realization about your spark! Now you can cultivate that creativity and get rid of that void! Congratulations!

And good for you for posting instead of contacting him. You know, after a couple of glasses of wine I often want to talk to XOM. It won't last for ever, though. And I am always SO glad that I didn't. (Except the one time I called him when I was out drinking with friends. He hung up on me (we never had a phone relationship) and I have never been so hurt or humiliated!) SO GOOD FOR YOU!

Stay strong!!!!!!!!

It's a good week, girlie!

Love,

Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 7:59pm
lazy,

I just saw your post after i had posted the same thing about the urge to email, also when I drink some wine I start to think of him and the sex...and want to call or text message him, but I must find alternatives. I also saw a new therapist today, I had seen two before that I hated, but she was so nice and spoke really good english:) I was debating before if I should mention the affair, because I was affraid she would say I should tell my H, but she was completley understanding and Im so glad Im taking steps to move on from this shallow immature souless man. I really wish people looked on the outside the kind of people they are on the inside, it would be alot easier to weed out the shallow users.

Dont email him, I wont either, It gives you the power, you dont want to hand it over to him by emailing him, I think in his eyes despite what the email says, he will take it as a message that he still "has" you.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 8:10pm
Kat

Be honest with your therapist it is required if you really want her to be able to help you.

Remember you converstions with her are convidential and only you can decide about telling your husband

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 1:40am
Kleinekat,

My therapist also speaks great english - are you not in an english speaking country as well? I wondered by your name and by your xOM kissing all the women (just like my xOM!)

Maybe it is the same guy!!! They sound the same :)!

Anyway, just curious about your whereabouts (english speaking or non-english speaking country). I am learning some really great German expressions - single words that describe a whole paragraph of feelings. Share if you want, but if you don't want to (too indentifying) I completely understand!

-lazy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 6:40am
Lazyone,

I am in germany, Im from the states but moved here a year ago with my german husband...I didnt speak a word of german. In the end of march my dad died at the young age of 53 from a suddent heart attack, I hadnt seen him in a year and my whole concept of how to live life and what its all about was shook, when I returned to germany is when the A began, I just wanted to escape reality and fill my mind with thoughts other than what I was feeling, now its sept. and Im afraid I love him...maybe more than my husband...what country are you in???
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 10:51am
Kleinekat,

We are in Austria. My xOM speaks English well and that is how we got started. I had time while the kids were at school and he invited me to get together often. I liked speaking English so easily and not struggling with the language. Funny thing is - he is REALLY good at talking dirty in English - he must have practice!

It must be tough thinking you love him more than your husband. I have WANTED mine more but I can't say I love him more. I thought he was safe to get involved with because we are so different and I couldn't see myself with him long term. I was wrong - no one is safe because the feelings and attachment still develop!

Good luck in sorting this out! Why can't it be easy? I wish I knew!

That is why I would advise no one to put themselves in this position in the first place! It is much harder to stop than it seems.

Take care!

-Lazy