Vacation over. Now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Vacation over. Now what?
4
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 1:10pm
Well, my MM got home yesterday at noon. Called me at 12:04 and about 22 phone calls up until 7:30. Said he told his W that when he gets back, he wants a divorce. Now what do I do? Is that crap? I want it to end... the lying and deceit, but if he is leaving, I don't really want to jump ship before I should. Am I nuts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 1:57pm
Well, what are the chances that he really *will* leave his W? And if he does, do you want a full-time relationship with him? If you really want it to end, then I guess the only logical next step would be to go NC, regardless of what happens with his W. If you truly are not sure, then you could try the "wait and see" approach. Be careful he does not string you along, though. All the talk about wanting a divorce could be just that - talk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 8:27pm

What do you do?


Well, that depends on what you want from your life.


If you want to be a part-time, on call, relationship with a fence-sitter, then continue as you are. MM will come up with some more "reasons" why he hasn't ended his marriage.


OR


You can opt for a life that is above board and with a person who is available to you for a full time relationship. MM already knows what he needs to do to have a full time relationship with you. And he hasn't chosen that path. He doesn't have the drive or determination to face up to his failures. instead he's been using a relationship with you as a crutch to limp along with his wife......


Anyone who really wants to be with his OW will take ALL steps necessary to make it happen.


Yes, it IS that simply stated.


I did it myself.


After being a fence-sitter afraid of the post-divorce life.


Life moves on. No matter whether you're with a fence-sitter or on your own.


You already know you want a whole relationship. SO follow your path.


End the affair and the lies and the hiding and come out into the light of day. MM can follow you if he really wants a different life.


All he has to do is act on his choice...............


You did, now it's his turn.


No threats or ultimatums. Just forward movement into the light of day.........


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 9:01am
I guess those are the words I have needed to hear for a really long time. Reading your post validated that I don't have to explain myself to him. If he wants me, he will follow me. He chose to marry her, and all the while he had me there to lean on. I don't have to tell him I'm done with that kind of life. He will not respect me at all until I walk away. I'm not going to stir up a bunch of trouble, which I have the ingredients to fill that pot. I need support to make this a real thing. I have wanted to end it so many times before, but it's not even hitting the same spot in my heart as it used to. I feel like I just don't care what happens anymore. With this situation. I have so much more going for me. He knows it. I guess it's time for his actions to prove his words. I'm not going to be the one who is let down, though. I'll let that to his W.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 9:15am


This sounds like indifference, or at least your approaching indifference, that really is the end.