Valentines day carnage
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| Mon, 02-14-2005 - 11:35pm |
hi all,
i was sitting at home about 1 hr ago and i got a call from OW, call was blocked so i picked up the phone, it was her, i was so surprise, she said hi and started to talk to me, she told me i need to move on and that there is no more hope for us, she told me to go out and find someone, if i dont do it for myself she ask me to do it for her, she told me not to have hope anymore, and dont seek her out in a couple of months or years, she said she is actively looking for a job and will move when she finds one and that she will never contact me anymore when she moves
this all lasted like about 2-3 minutes, after she stop talking she said goodnite and hanged up
dang , i had no idea what the heck happened, it was very unlike her to call me, she seldom calls me even when we are in good terms
i felt hurt while she was telling me on the phone, now im in shock actually, i dont know what to make of it, why is she trying to hurt me some more, she knows im miserable , why kick me when im down
max
just want to know, i know im over analyzing this again, maybe i shoukd take it on its face value

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Hi Max
I have been following your post and I am at a lost for words with your situation. I am so sorry you are in so much pain. You will be in my prayers and I hope this board and the many good people on here can help you through such a difficult time in your life. The good thing is you have to know it is up to you and your strenghts to help you get through this and the clarity and closure you have from her should be the starting point for you. You will smile again and you will find your happy medium. Try to stay busy keep yourself and your thoughts occupied it will make this transition better for you. I know it is easier said than done, but you seem like you have been through tuffer battles I beleive this is one you can come out victorious....
Good Luck and stay strong.
Ladybug
thanks ladybug, i am able to stand the pain now, i think i am upset at her , especially if i see her at work, i get sad when i get home , i try no to talk to her at all or email or text or anything, she said hi this morning but i never say anything back in response
she sais she is looking for another job, i wishshe would leave, i am also looking so whoever leaves first i guess
i just feel like she ruin everything for me, i gave her all, compromise so much and bend over backwards for her and she still accused me of being jealous or too much for her, i told her i am jealous coz the father of her child is leaving with them, i just told her that and she got upset, i nver acted on it, she does not want me to call her or text her especially on the weekends, this is when we are in good terms, she does not want me to do small talk with her in the office, we never go to lunch together, if we see each other, its mostly lunch and we have sex, she can even go to the movies after work like leave early but she went out and have a drink with our other co-workers in the same time frame, looks like she took me for granted and she had the nerve to tell me i was jealous, just one of the things i now realize that pissed me off at her
when she is hungry at work in the mid afternoon i would go out and but some snacks, do all kinds of small things, i gave her gifts and lots of cards and to think of it i never go not even on card from her
im sorry im rambling
max
Max
You have nothing to be sorry about. I am glad you can talk with me. I hope you have opened your eyes for what shes worth. It sounds she never appreciated you for any of the things you did for her. Your anger towards her is completely understandable and you have every right to be. Take things one day at a time and let the healing begin. You deserve someone that will love you and cherish you for who you are and not what you can provide, That special someone is out there I know you will find her.
Ladybug
hi ladybug,
i dont know why i am angry, im not an angry person at all, but i can feel rage inside of me, its very disturbing, i dont want to hate her or be upset at her, i just saw her passed by and she smile at me, it actually made me more upset
im always ratinalizing that she cannot spend time with me coz of her daughter but sometimes her actions does not support it and when i ask her for some time together she backs off and tells me i am asking too much and i overwhelmed her, so i bend over and just wait for her when she wants to spend time with me, how pathetic now that i look back, i feel like a fool, im so ashamed of myself but i guess saying it is part of healing, im not sure, i made her someone i want her to be but i think i was fooling myself, actually she gave me 2 shirts for xmas so she actually gave me something, thing is she did not picked the right size,u think she would now my size by now, she took it back and told me she will return it and get me a another one with the right size, i waited and i finnaly asked her what happened to it she told me the father of her daughter saw it in the trunk of her car and threw the shirt away
my question is why do i still feel that i need her in my life, up to this point that i am angry at her, the anger will subside and when i get home i would thinkof her and miss her so much, is this normal, i want this to go away, i been watching tv and making myself busy but when i lay in bed she is all i think, and whne i wake up she is the first thought in my mind, its very tiring to tell u the truth
one day i will not miss her anymore, i just want to be content and a bit happy with myself, im so miserable in the last 2 yrs
max
thanks for listening to me
hi ladybug,
i was doing well today and before i left OW walked by and stop by my office , she again told me what she told me on the phone last nite
at first i said hi and asked her if she needed something, she said she came by to see how i was doing, she said that i looked much better, i said im ok so far, and then the conversation went south, i felt weak and i asked her why is she doing this, again she told me she made a choice and that i have no hope and i should not hope for her anymore, even if she will leave the father of her daughter or if he leaves them that she will not come back to me anymore, i was holding my tears while she was telling me this, the rest i cant remember anymore, my heart was in so much pain , she was very calm , she wish me good luck and she said she wants to see me happy and happy with someone
this is crazy, just when i am doing better she reminds me again, i think this is her way of dealing with it
i dont know, i dont want to think about it anymore, i have such a big headache and the meds is not working
i should be mad at her , i want to be mad at her but i cannot, what is wrong with me
max
Max,
<<<
Good Morning Max,
I hope you were able to get some sleep. You said you have been miserable for the last two years, Think why. This relationship has never brought you happiness. Feed off of that and try to focus on healing. Your anger like I told you is normal we all go through the ups and downs. You soon just get tired of feeling this way and you just want your life back to normal. Everything you are experiencing the majority of us have dealt with it, It is not impossible to overcome it.
The next time she stops by tell her that everything is crystal clear and there is nothing more to say. You would appreciate if she just let you be. You will be ok. Be strong max everything little by little will fall into place. Have you been seeing a therapist? In your situation and emotional state it would help. Just a suggestion.
Take Care
Ladybug
hi id and ladybug,
OW caught me by surprise, did not expect her to talk to me again after she phoned me
for some reason i was able to sleep more , i slept about 7 hrs but i still feel tired, i came home last nite and i cried myself to sleep, i feel like she keeps kicking me when i am already down
im sure in time this will get better
thanks,
max
yes i am thinking of going to therapy again, but i dont want to take anti-depression meds anymore
im going nuts
i saw OW today and she was flirting with some guys from another floor, or i thought she was, my is my mind thinking like this
im going nuts, need to let her go, i know she is not flirting but why am i thinking that she it, she is just talking to them,
max
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