Very frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
Very frustrated
1
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 9:10pm

I am so very frustrated and it doesn't have anything to do with MM. It has to do with my husband. I was reading thru my journal and I noticed a theme to my entries, they all started with me saying how lonely I was b/c my H wasn't home when he said he would be. That was a very big problem. He was always late, by hrs and hrs. I talked to him many times but he told me today he took it for granted that I would always be there. I really expressed to him how it hurt when he came home late b/c it was like someone or something was more important than me. He never heard me then but now he says that he knows that was a major problem. Also we always had to save money. We would talk about going skiing but we would never go. We wanted to do a lot of things, some didn't cost money and well, he was never home. There were days that I wouldn't see him in 3 or 4 days in a row. He was working or I was working, he was playing raquetteball or soccor or visiting friends or just out. I know he wasn't cheating, I know that 200%. Now I find out that he takes his gf shopping, they went skiing last wkend and he's taking her on a 2 week cruise when she finishes school. Wow, that stuff hurts. I've been calling him for 3 wks b/c he has a vehicle loan with my name on it and I need my name off so I can build a house. He wasn't allowed to call me back b/c she doesn't want him talking to me. She says we'll get back together if we talk. She knows somehow that he still loves me. I love him but I'm not attracted to him at all. He's blonde and I love brown hair, dark guys. He's california blonde and some think he's handsome but I don't. Anyway, if he doesn't buy out the loan I am stuck living in the house I'm in. It's not a nice house and there's nothing out there better to live in. Slim, slim pickings. Anyway, he asked today if I thought there was any chance for us. I told him no b/c of how we have hurt each other. I've broken up with him before b/c of these reasons and others and I don't want to hurt him anymore. He deserves to be happy and he says he is but I don't think he is, he just doesn't want to be lonely. He is a good guy. I really wish he would have heard me when I told him what I was feeling and how I thought he could help fix the problem. I just needed to tell someone about this. I don't have friends left here, I'm the town hoe:( Such a small town here, everyone just looks at me. MM doesn't go thru this b/c he's still home in his bubble.
I feel like I'm stuck b/c I can't move on and build my house. I even have found the perfect peice of land and I can't even buy that yet b/c of this loan. Oh I'm in a mess. I enjoy talking to ex-H but I won't be doing that anymore.
Thanks for listening,
LilRocket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: lilrocket
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 9:41pm

Rocket

It sounds like your XH has learned something from his mistakes with you, to bad it was to late, as for the loan maybe he needs to here it from a lawyer if he is not hereing you.

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