W is checking his phone logs

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
W is checking his phone logs
3
Sun, 06-13-2004 - 11:20pm
Yikes! MM called me to say that his wife went online and checked his cellular phone log. She confronted him and told him she knows he's involved emotionally with someone (based on the hours we spend on the phone) and she's thinking of leaving. The next day, she told him she's giving him one more chance, but if he calls that number again (my cell phone), it's over. I asked him if he was going to try to make things better with her and he said he doesn't know. He said he was just calling to warn me not to pick up if a call comes from his house or his cell phone or any number I don't recognise, because it may be her.

I feel terrible for this woman. She has been a good wife to him for so many years and he disgarded her so easily. I know it sounds very weird, or maybe some of you have been there.... but I was always pressuring him to be nice to her. Buy her flowers for Valentine's Day. Give her a birthday gift. Be nice to her! But he would tell me "Mind your own business" and then we would wind up fighting. My rationale was that if he wasn't a good husband to her, he wouldn't be a good long term relationship for me. He doesn't treat her well.

MM and I had already decided not to see each other anymore, and we weren't planning on calling each other either. I guess I am scared that my DH will find out. Things have been so much better with him for the last few weeks and I want to make a new start. But if his wife figures out that it's me... well, I'm sure things will get rocky here too.

I also hope that maybe MM will realize that he's got a good woman there and work to hold onto her. I want him to be happy. She is a great match for him. If he could just learn to appreciate her, I think he'd be happier. The man I've seen has always been unhappy. I wouldn't return his love the way he wanted me to and he shunned his wife. Maybe this will work out for the best. I hope so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 12:08am


No offence intended BUT maybe you should be concentrating on how happy "YOUR" HUSBAND is and less on how unhappy "HER" husband is, it could do wonders for both families.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 7:30am
I agree. I put way too much energy into trying to "fix" his life. It's taken me a lot to just be able to walk away and hope that he lives happily ever after. And if he doesn't, well... that's just not under my control, even though I'd like it to be. I really wasted a lot of time and energy trying to control him. That energy would have been a lot better spent at home with my own spouse and my kids.

Really letting him go for good means not giving him anymore advice. I wanted to say so much yesterday when he said he wasn't sure if he was going to try to fix things. But I just said "OK" and then we hung up. I think I'm better off not talking to him at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 8:46am
HI

Your right you are better off not talking to him at all and it would be good for him as well, he would have no soft place to land other then his wife were he belongs.

There are good reasons for NO CONTACT, they can become clear over time.

Be Well

Free