WAKE UP CALL!
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WAKE UP CALL!
| Thu, 10-21-2004 - 12:11pm |
I have read the posts here for years, I have been trying soo hard to get out of this A, I have been in it about 5 years and I am so tired. I was married when it started and of course had all the false expectations and all the promises of a great future that instead of working on my M I walked away, yes we had problems that led to the A but if I would have not given up I am sure we could have saved the M. But whats done is done, last night was the night I finally opened my eyes when my MM called me and said ok, you will not hear from me again tonight the W is on her way home. He has told me that SOOO many times over the years but last night it just pissed me off, I can't do it anymore. How cheap it made me feel when he said that. So this morning I questioned it and he got so pissed off and said he is tired of my questions and I said I am tired of all of this and he said fine whatever you want and I said no problem, stay with your wife and that was it. 5 years of if he calls and I am in the shower he is pissed because I did not take the phone in the bathroom withme, how dare I shower and not pick up his call, 5 years of when he has time I need to drop everything I am doing for him. 5 years of telling him I am sorry I got jealous over the W. 5 years of no vacations, no holidays, 6 days in the hospital and not one visit from him. WHY do we allow these men to treat us this way, then when we wake up and walk away we get weak and give in and allow them to do it all over again. Why??? I need to stay strong today I really do!! Thanks for listening

F2M
Maybe we just don't want to accept that we have been suckered out of our lives and families by these people and allowing it to end means we have to face the truth that we have been used and abused and let it happen in the name of love.
Free
Okay I'm going to throw myself on the chapping block here (not the first time). Men or women getting into affairs can be A**h**es and they don't even realize it. My A was with a single woman who was in an on and off relationship of her own. When she was in the Off position I thought, "Hey great..this will make my A easier since only one of us has to do the true sneaking around." Not really. I got freetime and when she didn't it pissed me off. Self centered. You bet it was. It wasn't until I started reading the posts that I realized what a selfish jackass I have been. And beleive me, while the W and I had problems in the bedroom, as a person, OW did not hold a candle to W. I wanted the A for one thing. That was the sex. Very shallow, I will admit, but stepping back I realized I didn't like the person I had become, who treated women like objects, and I was hurting everyone...including myself.
This is what MM is seeing in you. I don't know if the L word has been exchanged between you two, but let me tell you something. It's not love, and never will be, unless you put each other first, and that is not going to happen as long as he is married.
Why do you let this man walk on you. Affairs are like a drug. Once you are in, you are hooked, even when it has a bad backlash, like your M in danger.
Cut him out of your life. Your M may be over, but you can still have a life. When you feel like going to MM, go to these posts first. I can't tell you how much it has helped me put things in perspective. I'm falling in love with my wife again and I never thought that ever possible. We may still have our bedroom problems, but I'll take that in exchange for the other benifits a wife has like I have someone who is there for me at all times.
There will be no chopping on my part.
But I will suggest that you to gents cannot comprehend how a womans emotions can be very very difficult to understand or control, or how much she needs to believe that the man really means the stuff he tells her, you can't understand until you walk a mile in our shoes and I expect it is true for women understanding men.
Free
mefree,
I think you and I are involved in the same MM. Is his name Ken by chance? (kidding of course). Mine has been for 6 yrs. You may want to go back and read (if you haven't already) my post a few days ago "When I start to think of him...again" about some of the crap I have put up with.
I don't think I would even want to be friends with this man if I were to meet him NOW, knowing the kind of person he really is. Unfortunatly, by the time his true colors were shown to me I was already addicted.
Here's a few reasons I think we keep clinging to the A and the lousy OMM.
1) We crave and are addicted to the little morsals of attention we DO get from them. It makes us feel really good to know that another man besides our husband wants us.
2) In reality, we are not in love with these men (even though we think we may be). We are in love with the passion, the thrill the A brings.
3) FEAR. Fear of never seeing him again, longing for him terribly. Fear that our lives will never be the same without him. (When in reality the quality of life will be so much better without him).
4) FEAR (again) Fear that he will be able to move on quickly (we can't do that) and once he does, I will never cross his mind again.
There are many other reasons I beleive we stay but I think these are the main ones for a lot of us.
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Although I am not married (twice divorced and both NOT due to affairs), I was moved by your post.
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BINGO! I just wish women would "GET THIS!" This of why these men always go back to their wives. An affair IS *mostly* about *sex*. Dress is up however you wish and continue to fantasize, but it's the physical contact that keeps him coming back. I'm not saying that it only pertains to men, but most ladies need that emotional connection first, and then the physical follows. This is applicable in any relationship, not just affairs.
Once you can accept this and stop denying that it's so much more, you will be able to tolerate ending it more easily. SEX does not a relationship make....IT is a condiment, not the full 3 course meal :) Why settle for just an hour of condiment tasting once in a while? Girls, yer gonna starve!!!!!
Thanks for your honest post B-E-B :)
~True~
"It's not love, and never will be, unless you put each other first, and that is not going to happen as long as he is married."
Bravo! That is the crux of an A. Babe, you sound GREAT. Glad to hear it! Keep it up! :)
Bear
I think that men like yourself that post at boards like this do not fit the bill of the average CMM, you like most women lead with your heart, in short you are an exception to the to the rule so to speak, please consider this a compliment because that was how it was meant.
Free