Walk away from LOVE?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Walk away from LOVE?
4
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 3:36pm
I guess I do need to end it...If something is keeping me from REAL love, one where I can WAKE up with the person I love and not have to wait to talk to him until he leaves his house then THAT should tell me something.

I love this man with all my heart and BELIEVE he shouldn't stay for the kids. But that is MY opinion and not his. I know leaving the R will crush him, but I feel IF he and I are meant to be together then the path will end there.

Also, if there IS a chance he MIGHT leave, he will have no reason to as long as I am giving him the emotional love he craves. Maybe if he loses me he will realize he HAS to leave. Maybe if he loses me he will realize he needs to look for that missing love in his marriage.

Bottom line, I LOVE this man. And if he loves me the way he says he does, then nothing will stop him. I realize he is petrified of the kid situation...but if handled right, a D doesn't have to be ugly and he and his W could be friendly and mature concerning the kids.

How can someone stay and sleep next to someone when their TRUE love is just down the road?

OPINIONS PLEASE!!

Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 4:09pm
Well first I will say I am very sorry you're going through this and I could tell you it will all be okay and lie to you. OR I can give you some information that will really help you to open your eyes and I will, but I am not sure you are ready for it. Oh well, here goes.

What you need to know is REALITY which is that your relationship with this man has been based in fantasy. A person can't live two lives, yet this man is attempting it with you. But I can assure you it isn't because of REAL love. A person who is married who cheats on their spouse doesn't understand true/real love. Oh they can talk a good game and they can sit and tell you all the reasons you should be together but when it comes right down to it, all the reasons they give for not leaving are just excuses because if it was THAT BAD, they would leave and not subject their children to a bad situation at home. So what are you left with? Unfortunately not much and I have walked in your shoes. I would recommend you begin with reading an article about men who cheat on their wives and the outcome that takes place. Please read it carefully and open your heart and mind to the possibility that this man isn't the man you think he is. People who do this don't love themselves, therefore they are not really capable of truly loving anyone else. You have to keep in mind that it doesn't matter what they say, how good your sex is, how horrible a picture he paints at home; if he is married now, your relationship is in secret so it is not a REAL RELATIONSHIP. Again I do want to help you but you truly have to be willing to do whatever it takes to test this so called love you share. Start by educating yourself and spare yourself what could end up to be years of grief.

Go to www.gloryb.com and once you are on the main page, you will see articles to your right. Click on the link that says "cakeman." I am truly sorry you have allowed yourself to get into this relationship. It will be very difficult to end it so you are going to need the support of this board. But please, for your sake, be strong and do what you know down deep in your heart you must do. You will not have the life you should by trying to break up a marriage. That is something he must see through and if it is meant to be that his marriage ends, then and only then can you truly BEGIN to have a real realationship with him.

Hugs to you.

GT

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 5:37pm
Hi there... I could feel the disappointment and sadness in what you wrote... I know it is painful to walk away, but take a step back and see where you really are. You have chosen, as we all have on this board, to love someone that was never yours to love in the first place. Figuring out what it was that made you involve yourself with a MM will help you begin to discover some very profound things about where you are and why. It is true that ending your relationship with him will do two things: Cause him to see what life feels like in your absence, and that, in turn, will put a harsh reality on the love missing in his own marriage. Do not think for one second that this will make him come running to you, though, as that will be a setup for disappointment. The fact he is still with his W only proves the fact that you are only an item of convenience to him. You are there when he is sad, lonely, depressed, and now here you are feeling those things... where is he?

Ending an affair is painful, but ending it is the best thing you can do for yourself, for your own happiness. You will begin to see the facades fade away and the truth set in. Once that happens, you can begin to mend the broken-heartedness. I would suggest that you find a counselor to help you sort this out, and also we are all here, ready to support you, too! :) (((HUGS))) !!!! ~Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 11:39pm
I feel so lost.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 12:22pm
I'm sure you do feel very lost! I remember that feeling well and it's not a good one! You got some great advice from these other ladies here. Just keep coming back and hang in there! I'm sorry for your pain! It will get better though!