Walking away with dignity and pride

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Walking away with dignity and pride
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 12:01pm

I was reading some replies (sogladitsover, yoga) in the thread Its Not Getting Better about “walking away with dignity and pride”.

XAP tracked me down four days ago, after two months of NC and me ignoring his fishing attempts.  Asked why I was not responding to his attempts, told me he loved me, thinks of me all the time, blah, blah, blah.

I believe he will eventually track me down again sometime.  I’ve told him several times that we are not going to work.  I am nice; not encouraging, but not mean either.

 And I have always figured that it was implied that I wanted to be left alone as evidenced by my lack of responding to any of his attempts.  I have always gone on the premise that Silence is eloquent, dignified and is heard.  WHY CAN’T HE HEAR IT??

I know that XAP has lied to me, is using me for his ego stroking, wants me on the side and intends to keep living his life with his W and their life style, etc. 

I would really like to call him on his BS; call him on the lies (of omission) that he has told me numerous times, tell him I do not want to be someone’s cake on the side, I don’t want to be his friend, etc. and firmly tell him to leave me alone.

Is it time to do that?  Maybe it is what is needed to finally keep him away…and to empower me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 10:46am

You guys are cracking me up!

I'll give you an F alright!!!  Give me a U!  Give me a C!  (You get the picture.) For his mind effery that he continues to do!  Was at my yoga studio again this morning!  Grrrr. 

But it's okay, I did not engage with him and he left very quickly after class.  Yeah!

This is all so stupid though.  Who the H does he think he is?  It's all about him and he keeps showing me his true colors.  I know that all of us here have engaged in poor behavior.  But I admire those of you, especially the men, who have left their XAP alone.  I think that my XAP is acting selfishly.  I used to think "oh, he must really love me; he's here again!"  NOT.  Everytime he makes an effort now it maddens me even more.  At myself and at him.  It's gross.

 It's almost pathetic watching him continue to try to have contact with me, to have anything with me.  (So, if you by chance are playing the role of trying to continue to have a relationship with someone who has decided they don't want to have one with you,  please rise above and walk and leave that person alone.  You deserve more than to seem so pathetic.)

And, I am praying about if and when and how to let him have it.  BUT, I am heeding your advice friends and not engaging and going into any conversation with him.  So, I am coming here this morning and sharing. 



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 5:12pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 5:02pm

OMG - the Friday Font Fairy is having her way with us!! Stay strong all, this too shall pass.

Sunrise, ignoring is bliss...be resolute. Listen to how even now, just the possibility that you might "have" to say something to him is still pulling you all over the place, causing oyu spend too much time mulling it all over - what to say, how much, etc. NC with him means NC with your own thoughts as well, about anything except moving forward and putting this A behind you. Silence within and without as far as xAP- and if you need to squawk, come here. We in the font family are cheering for you!! Give me an F! 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 4:47pm

Oh, he'll have it from you alright...your attention and the ego boost knowing he can still get to you...even after all this time. And it'll just teach him that with enough pestering, he can engage you.  

And what happens with grace and dignity...out the window.


Clarity...having fun with fonts

edited to add:  ((((oh no)))) that damn orchid

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 4:00pm

Gladitsover, your dude sounds just like mine.  Exact same.

And, your post just made me start thinking about a different way to end this.  It seems my Silence and avoiding and ignoring doesn't work.  I mean, it's worked on some level in that he stalks me fewer and further between, but he still keeps showing up.

So, I am asking about/wondering about letting him have it the next time he tracks me down.

I am not thinking of contacting him to tell him these things.  Just thinking of taking the opportunity to do so the next time he shows up, if he does.

Or do I just ignore and tell him firmly that I do not want to talk to him?

Does that make sense?


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 3:57pm

Of course!  The orchid!

That made me chuckle Angie!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 3:56pm

Thank you!!!

But, to be clear, I am not thinking of calling him to tell him all this.  No way!!

I'm talking about "letting him have it" the next time he tracks me down.  If he does.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 2:39pm
Sunrise, no, don't call him! He'll be sending you another stupid orchid before you know what happened. Stop being nice. Just be nothing. Walk away if he even tries to talk to you!
Formerly heartacheafter7years
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 12:31pm

I'm running out to lunch with a friend.  You'd better not contact that man while I am out...or any time for that matter.  Geez louise.  

Write out all his lies and b/s here...believe me, we can all relate to hearing the b/s and lies...and it'll help some recognize the lies and b/s.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 12:24pm
Hi Sunrise. I can just offer that when xap ended the A, he imposed NC. I respected him enough to know he needed it for his well-being. I did not track him down, em, etc, because of that. I also knew he meant it and I didn't want to be any more pathetic than I had been at times in the A.

So your xap contacting you, etc, in my op, is rude and disrespectful of your feelings. It's all about him.

Good luck!