Want to chat?? Contact your WIFE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2009
Want to chat?? Contact your WIFE!
5
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 10:17pm
Do you get a high when you see his name in your in box? I do, and that's what compels me to respond. To see what's there, what he's going to say, want, etc.

I ignored his last email but just got another one tonight. But, strangely, I did not feel that high when I saw his name. My first thought was, "why are you emailing another mans wife at night when you are out if town?"

I was simply struck by the real inappropriateness of it and what it really means. It's hard not to respond, that old physical attraction begs to be noticed. But I am going to ignore it!

In the past I always thought I needed to respond because it was silly not to. I mean, why would a friend nit respond to another friend.

What I am struggling with is thinking about his feelings and how he will be confused by this. I think he genuinely thinks we are true friends. I keep worrying he will thank I am mad at him or he did something wrong. I would be hurt and confused if he did the same thing to me.

Remind his important not responding is???
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 11:16pm
Don't do it. It's a slippery slope, one u r likely fall down quickly...let em go. U can not concern yourself with what he thinks...u have to focus and control you. It's a gift...not a punishment

Is the response worth the possibility of losing all you have?

That enough for ya?
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 11:28pm
NMC,

Luvin is right, BEWARE of the slippery slope, we are always one txt/email away from changing our lives as we know them, you are in control here, what could your X possibly say to you that hasn't been said before. There is no such thing as social etiquette in Affairland, so don't be too concerned about what he will think of you if you don't respond.

Love
V888
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 6:33am
NMC,

<>

This is progress, honey. You are now understanding that such behavior is inappropriate and that you don't want to be his amusement any longer while he's away from his W. You are starting to see things much more clearly. If you continue with NC, more and more revelations will present themselves.

And about his confusion? So maybe you had company, or was sleeping, or in the tub, or your computer was on the blink, or how about being just plain busy? Where's it written that you have to always acknowledge someone's email/text?

Try not to worry about not responding and you don't need me telling you that friendship is out of the question when we end an A. Keep ignoring, and keep healing.

((Hugs))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 6:52am

NMC,

Have you told him the affair is over and have you asked him not to contact you? If so, then he is totally disrespecting you. What does that say about "friendship?"

You are absolutely right. He has no business contacting another man's wife in the middle of the night or at any time if that contact is meant to get some kind of emotional or physical reaction from you. He is doing his best to keep you hooked in the affair. Why haven't you blocked him? I get the whole thrill of seeing his name in your inbox. My heart would get all aflutter whenever I saw my xAP's name. When I deleted all my saved emails and texts, it was incredibly freeing. I was done with those false and unhealthy feelings. It was time to do the real work and take the real actions to get over the A and get on with becoming a healtheir woman.

Do you think he really is concerned with how you are feeling? Or is it possible that he just wants to keep receiving the "feel goods" that your responses give him without any real concern for YOU?? Affairs are completely selfish acts by both parties. Yeah, the interactions are glazed with sweet nothings and even I Love Yous, but isn't that candy coating really just an attempt to sweeten the center--the bitter, icky taste of lies and betrayal?? We can all make excuses for our behavior and try to justify what is really going on. But the truth comes out eventually. There is nothing sweet about an affair. It is ugly, hurtful, dishonest and soul-damaging. It rots your inside like too much candy rots your teeth.

It is difficult not to respond to something so tempting, but if you block, you will not be tempted. It's really that simple. Why is it important not to respond? Let's see....if you respond you will experience loss of dignity and self esteem, stay stuck in the A,

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2009
Sun, 01-23-2011 - 12:39pm
Well, I guess I should clarify. We are nit in an "affair" at least not physical. We are "friends" but I feel it crosses the boundaries or definitely has the potential. I don't know what he thinks of our friendship but all I know is that I feel differently with him than I do with other guy friends. He hit on me once but I turned him down at the time.

I feel stupid and silly that I cannot be friends but when he does contact me and I respond, it always ends up causing me to feel bad.

I did end up responding to him after a few days. And yep, I ended up feeling more confused and some other emotions that I don't really know how to describe.

Sometimes I am cool with our interactions but then he will start to contact me on holidays, important events in his life, in the evenings and ALWAYS when he is out if town. So when he dies that I start to feel this is inappropriate.

Sorry I ramble but I don't really fit in anywhere with this situation. But I can certainly relate to some of the stories here and keep telling myself, this is what I could be headed for.

We have so many friends/coworkers in common. Everyone knows we are friends and it would be awkward to just ignore him. I don't know if he even has any clue how I feel or how much distress he causes me. And I certainly ain't gonna tell him!