Want to get back at him

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Want to get back at him
3
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 1:30pm

2nd day of no contact. your post helped this morning. thx. I think he is still a sociopath, he must have gotten into a fight with his wife because suddenly he wanted to come over and hang out and stay with me for a few days till he found his own place (this was b4 no contact started). He admitted they had fought and that he was leaving her...LOL
But he also told me after about a month of I will leave her and be with you that now that he has left her he wants to get his own place and figure some things out for himself. He now wants to be able to do what he wants and answers to no one. He wants to date etc....mind this guy was the most single married person I have every known...he has always cheated on his wife (who I did not know about), that is how much she has dealt with.
So what a slap in the face, after months of i will leave her, he finally leaves cuz she does something wrong, and then to add insult to injury, he wants to be a bachelor and figure out what he wants, what he really wants, and he does not want to lie to anyone anymore. Oh and he still wants to date me...lol
we had this convo the evening after i handled the P, i was in awe.
I had a already decided to end things as soon as i dealt with the P. i knew if I made that sacrifice I was done, mind u, if i were to continue to see him, I might as well had had it...not to mention, I would have to remove myself anyway. I promised myself it was over as soon as I was no longer pregnant. He took me, mind you he was calling his wife and other women as I was at my appt., but he took care of me and he spent the evening with me, I told him that night, when I was coherent, that it was over, to leave me alone, to let me go, and he kept saying fine....
Morning, I took my kids to school. he was still here when i returned. i asked if he remembered what i said and if it was clear. he said yes. he left and that was it. tried to hug me and tell me he loved me and that he always would. i said i dont want that kind of love and that his def of love and mine were different.
Mind you as he left my driveway, he was on the phone making things good with her so he would have somewhere to go...I know he is going back to her and that is just fine...he has others too. It hurts that he was calling them while I was at my appt. but that is ok too. I try to look at it as motivation. He doesnt even know half the stuff I know. But let him be her headache instead of mine. Let him be her drama. Let him lie to her.
I know all his passwords for everything email and phone, I used to obsessively check them. I have promised myself i wont. I have slipped here and there. I wish he would change them but I am not going to contact him to change them....although i would like to. they were given to me by him and he never changed it. he uses the same for everything. so i had more info than his W does. I have thought about doing evil things with this info. things to get back at him. But that takes energy and defeats the purpose of letting go.
My point is...I know this is best and to think this man thought he could casually date me. After I wanna be with you and I am leaving her and we are going to be together and now I need to figure some things out on my own, (mind you I could not date others) but he could. its like, his timing was awful, but perhaps what i needed. I really wanted him out of my home, he never respected me and would use me up until things smoothed over with his wife. I know that. that will help me get thru this day,
Someone so damned selfish. so selfish. it truly disgusts me. I want him to know i know about the calls he was making during my appt, but again what would be the point. I will be here a lot, reading and posting. day 2, i just hope he really stays away
he has blocked me as well, which is good. Cause I do get weak. I hope he keeps me blocked
One thing I am thankful for. I dated this guy six months. Knew about the wife for a month and a half. I am so thankful this did not take more time out of my life....that I did not waste years on something. My issue was the pregnancy. I will heal from that over time...
i knew i had to do it, even tho everything in my being did not want to
but i knew i would never rid myself of him otherwise.
not anytime soon anyway.
sorry this is long, but as i said mornings are always tough for me

I want to call the wife and tell her, (she knows about me) but she doesnt know he has contd to see me etc....he changed his number and told her we were done. I want her to know why he is coming back, cuz he could not stay here, although i know he would have gone back anyway.
I know me and her talking will accomplish nothing, I am one of many that called her. I never knew of her....anyway, i realize i am all over the place

please talk some sense into me and stop me from calling anyone.....about him

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2009
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 1:57pm

I'm pretty new here, and have not experienced the depth of what you're going through, BUT from all I've read:


DON'T DO IT!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 2:32pm

Sienna,


If you have read the "Stages of Grief" in the healing library then you will know that you have entered the "Anger" stage and

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 11:59pm

I have experienced what you went through having his password. my xap kept the same password(which is my name) after he broke up with on three email address and i asked him more than once to change the password and he did not. finally i got sick of my self logging into his accounts(he had three email address that i know of and he has more that i do not know the password for) so i deleted his accounts. that helped move on and i blocked the email addresses i do not know the password for. that helped me to finally move on. i figured since he had no right to use my name as a password after he broke up with, I had the right to delete the accounts after I asked him multiple times to change the passwords and he did not.

i do not know if i did the right thing but i m glad i did it because after that i was able to move on and delete him from life.