Want him out of my head
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Want him out of my head
| Mon, 10-05-2009 - 1:12am |
I am 52 days no contact. I have been lurking for awhile and have hesitated to share my story because of who I had an emotional affair (some physical) with. He is my husband's sister's husband (my brother in law). I know horrific. I think the only reason I did not give into sleeping with him is because of who he is. Looking back I think he had been for a lack of a better word grooming me for a decade. I say this all the while taking full responsibility for what I have done. But I see him in a different light now that the fog has lifted I think he is a predator and a narcissist. He always paid me alot of attention and made me feel special and did not pay anyone else in the family attention. I thought it was because he thought I was special but the truth is he was trying to get attention from me and doesn't care about anyone but himself. Now looking back when I thought he was being charming and flirty he was trying to make a move. Finally after about 12 years I was vulnerable, lonely and being verbally abused in my marriage and his attention hit me for the first time like a ton of bricks. I felt like a heroin addict that took their first hit and was hooked the first time. I tried breaking up with him multiple times and I started to see a T. I could be strong enough to not contact him but if he contacted me I couldn't resist. He finally ended it 52 days ago and that is when I found this site. I guess I'm still struggling because I know that I will have to see him for the rest of my life even if it is only 5 times a year. the time leading up to it gives me anxiety, I will have to see him next month. I do love my DH and he is a good man, we are in MC now and things are moving slowly I think because although I am at peace now that the A is over this guy/the situation is still consuming alot of my thoughts. I have been checking his social networking site out of curiousity and maybe that is what is slowing my healing and recovering. I have decided to layoff the site for awhile. I don't know what else to do. I am not devastated anymore I am just impatient to get this guy out of my head once and for all. Any suggestions or words of encouragement, I don't think anyone has had an affair with someone in the family but would this be considered somewhat LC?

Hi Classy :)
Yeah, nothing will keep someone in your head like constantly inviting them into your head.
Hi Classy :)
I'm glad you printed those out so you can have them at the ready.
It has taken me a long time (it certainly seems like a long time)
"It is just hard right now sometimes I feel like I'm completely over him and just have regret for the situation and grateful no D day and afraid of a possible one in the future and other times I think is he over me?, does he think of me?. That thinking is what I need to rid from my mind and my life. We can do this together, he was a shell of a man,he was never there for me, lets be there for each other."
A couple of months ago those sentences could have been
hi and welcome to EAS.
no, no matter who an xap is, it does not mean it's lc if you end it.
CL-Lovely Starr
"No memory of having starred; atones for later disregard; or keeps the end from being h