want it to stop!
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| Thu, 08-26-2010 - 4:50pm |
hey
I am a little over 4 weeks NC and it hasn't been easy AT ALL!!! I have been challenged with dealing so many emotions that were unfamiliar to me. Yes I have dealt with heartache before but this is different. So this is what happened. As you all know I broke NC at a party a while ago. I told XMM my feelings for him blah blah. Well our paths crossed again. I wish I could write exactly the feelings that overcame me. You see it was a physical effect. I went numb from head to toe. I was nauseous and my heart was pounding a million beats per minute. My body temperature even went up and I was shaking on the inside. I cant believe how he effects me physically???? On the outside I think I pulled it off. I didn't not pay attention to him at all. I kept NC with him. I feel OK now but I think about the physical effect he has over me and it scared the crap out of me. Does this or has this happened to anyone? Why is this happening? I really hope that one day he will have NO effect on me. This is awful. I just want to get passed this already! He is carrying on just fine; he may even already replaced me? My mind is stewing over the wrong thoughts.

LLL -
It just happened to me today, as a matter of fact. I posted yesterday that I was playing in a golf outing today, and this was the first time there was a possibility of seeing XAP. I didn't talk to him, but I did see him. My stomach lurched and my legs went weak. Mind and body are connected and I think that our minds are so much in "control" mode right now - constantly watching over our thoughts, fighting our emotions, etc. that the body just gives out.
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It will happen in time. Try not to stew in your thoughts of him replacing you, being fine, etc. I know exactly how you feel - I struggled with that a lot today. But how do we know what occupies their brain? We can speculate all we want, but we have no idea how our XAPs feel.
Hang in there :)
Bodhi