Want to NOT CARE anymore..........
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| Thu, 08-19-2010 - 2:47pm |
Ladies - when do you get to the point where you just don't care anymore??
I feel as if this is much harder then LC. I hate it and feel as if he has so much control over me still and I honestly want to just not care anymore, I want to be at that point where whatever he says, does, doesn't say doesn't do just rolls off me.
I mean, I've come a long way (10 weeks of LC) and it hasn't been the easiest. It is funny how I feel healing has different phases, you go through different obstacles and once you get past one obstacle it seems as if there is another challenge ahead.
I kick myself for making eye contact with him becuase all that is doing is prolonging my healing process I believe, becuase I WANT it to mean something even though I know it doesn't, all it means is he is playing mind games with me. But I find myself wondering if he misses me, wondering if he is happy, wondering if he ever thinks about me.....and I don't want to care!!!
*sigh* he once told me "I will take you down a road you don't want to go down" and boy, he sure was right.

"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them."
Wow, I was sitting here thinking the exact same thing and started reading your post.
Wow, thank you both for your input. Clarity - I'm just gonna say it, you are awesome, I read so much on here and see all of your replis to others, you have so much insight and wisdom to offer and you help me so very much just by reading your posts.
And greeneyed - hang in there, just know you aren't alone and we will get through this, come here to post and vent or go off - whatever you need to do to get through it.
For the first time since our (or should I say his) ending the A we were very close, face to face as he asked me "you gonna be a while" as I was at the copier, we just looked into each others eyes, yeah - I know - you do that when ya talk to one another, lol but there was something there......can't deny that.
I said "go ahead" he moved in and stood RIGHT NEXT TO ME and I had even scooted over AWAY from him...........arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....we hadn't been that close since.....well....anyway. when he was done he said "thanks" I didn't say anything back such as "you are welcome" or anything....just ignored him.
Moments like that are so hard for me. We just have to take it a day at a time.
Thank you for the compliment.
Hi Alice :)
I know of which you speak.