WANT TO TELL HIS WIFE

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2005
WANT TO TELL HIS WIFE
10
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 4:03pm
I JUST ENDED A 4+ YEAR AFFAIR AND AM SO ANGRY AT HIM THAT I WANT TO TELL HIS WIFE. VINDICATIVE..YES....HIS CHILDREN ARE GROWN AND HE HASN'T SLEPT WITH HIS WIFE IN 10YRS. HE A 2 PREVIOUS SHORT LIVED AFFAIRS...I AM DIVORCED NOW BUT WAS INVOLVED WITH HIM DURING THE MARRIAGE. I'M SO ANGRY...I JUST FEEL LIKE SCR*WING HIM BY LETTING HIS WIFE KNOW??? I NEED SOME ADVICE...REAL SOON..........THANKS
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 4:21pm
Don't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 4:24pm
that would only serve to further hurt an innocent woman. Talk to him if you are angry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 4:47pm

hi pokee,

why did u end the affair, was it u or him who ended it, i know it hurts and sometimes we think of crazy things, being vindictive is one of them, that too came across my mind, i wanted to tell her ex-h( that what i call him even if they are nit maried) and give him a piece of my mind but it wont serve anything, it will hurt her and me more

pls dont do it, channel you anger into something else, just let go in this board, we are here to listen, we might not have all the answers but we will listen

take care,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 5:10pm

pokee

great idea. ruin someone else's life too. that'll help, huh?

debbi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 5:34pm

So, you knowingly entered into a relationship aware that you are 2nd banana, part-time relief valve.


He "hasn't slept with his wife in 10 years" According to him. What did you expect him to tell you? "Sex with the wife is great, I just need a little extra.?" Not exactly a successful approach to get involved with someone else, is it?


You're angry. Aren't we all? My question to you is: Who are you really angry at, him or yourself? As in yourself for feeling that you've been strung along for 4 years and now feel betrayed and foolish. Or him for lying to you to keep you strung along with just enough BS to keep you in the relationship.


Tell the wife and what happens? She learns (or receives positive confirmation of her prior suspicions) that her husband is a two-timing jerk. Maybe she stays, maybe she divorces him and takes him to cleaners. HER problem, not yours.


You're history either way.


Want to REALLY get even with him?


Have a great life without him. GO on a cruise with a SINGLE guy. Send xMM a postcard from Rio, and sign it "cudda been you, ya know? Your loss. Cyah!!" Kiss the card with lipstick and mail it to him...


then


forget him.


He ain't worth your time.


cl-nre


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:34pm

hi cl,

u are right, most of us go into the affair knowing in our hearts we are second banana, i feel like a spare tire myself with OW, but we still stay

she ended it, although i dont feel vindictive, i am a bit mad at her but still i could not write her or tell her that i feel that way, i am still hoping againts hope

anyways, your last paragraphis what most of the folks who ended and affair should do, make a better life for ourselves, no more affairs, have a normal relationships

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 9:32pm

Max, I've read some of your posts in the other threads...


I sincerely hope that it doesn't take you the 17 years it took me to stop seeking solace with other women...married or single.


No more affairs, no more "second banana", no more fence sitting.


Life in full without fear.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 10:02pm

hi cl,

i take it u are male, im glad to have some male posters here to have a perspective, why the heck am like this, im 39 yrs old, succesful engr ina fortune 500 company, have my own home, have a nice car, nice motorcycle, travel the world a lot and still cannot accept the fact that OW just ended the affair, i been thru a lot, im an orphan and i know how life can be difficult, maybe because i been alone literally that i cling to her more than most people, i realy dont want to be alone literally, i guess in the end we are alone coz we have to live with all the choices we make in life

wow, 17 years, i hope u have found what u are loking for already, i tell u, i been in combat and the fear is not even like this, 82nd Airborne, LRT , saw action in Grenada and Panama, my feeling now does not even compare to the combat fright u feel when u are on your way, i guess the heart is different, i tell u i feel like giving up, no more hope it seems, i know its not right but its how i feel, during combat u feel so much fear that sometimes soldiers cant even move their legs literally, u freeze up , i see people cry when the shooting starts but i was able to get thru that, this time i cant even handle this, i cried my eyes out and i am paralyzed mentally, i cannot literally live my life, i am forgetting to do ADL's, activities of daily living, i cant even do the basics

well maybe u have more words of advice to me, any insights would be realy appreciated, u have more experience probably than me

i been to therapy and they always tell me i have to be happy with myself, heck i was happy and then i meet her and i was happy but miserable at the same time, what a life, i feel like a spare tire actually

thanks,

max

"mess with the best, die like the rest" - the good old days

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 1:45am

To the original poster - the pain is raw but resist the temptation to react to it, no good can come of it at all. If it helps, write everything down, get the anger out somehow but then rip it up, burn it and move on as best you can. Good luck to you.


MS
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 8:12am
You sound hurt and angry. But don't tell his wife!!! He'll eventually slip one of these days, and she'll find out herself. It'll be hard enough without interference SP? from the OW. I wouldn't DREAM of telling MM's wife (And I only had a short-lived fling with him, nothing emotional on his behalf) I'm ashamed for my life just knowing I had a hand in him dissing her the way he did. Besides, telling her isn't going to make him love you, or get you what you want. If anything, he'll end up hating you, she'll be heart broken, and you'll be in the same place as you are now. Only you'll probably feel worse than you already do.